Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is planning a second boycott this week. On Friday. Mark your calendars.

On Friday, the Fifth of May (sometimes called Cinqco de Mayo), your Maximum Leader will lead a large protest in Mexico City (or Nuevo Laredo or Tijuana or somewhere Mexican) to show th Mexican government that it needs to treat undocumented American immigrants more fairly and not take their contribution to the Mexican economy for granted.

Your Maximum Leader anticpates bringing up topics like: how Americans perform jobs in Mexico that Mexicans will not take (like entrepreneurs, chemists, physicists, computer programmers, and hotel managers), how undocumented immigrants keep border-town pharmacies, doctor’s offices, and liquor stores afloat, how undocumented immigrants keep thousands of young, buff, tanned, cabana-boys up to their elbows in drunk co-eds who want nothing more than to be ridden hard by someone named Jose in various resort towns across the length and breadth of Mexico.

Of course the first step towards making Mexico more friendly for the average undocumented American will be to require that all government services, documents, road signs, and customer service telephone numbers be available in English. In fact, Mexicans should be required to speak English and Spanish. They should become officially bilingual (like Canada!).

Carry on.