Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, if he was President of Iran - which he is not, wouldn’t let any coalition of other nations talk him out of a nuclear program.

But he would ring up George W. Bush periodically and yell “Surprise!” before hanging up.

Then he’d laugh with all the Ayatollahs, turn on a “Friends” re-run, and get some hummus with salty chips and a yoghurt shake.

Carry on.