Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has forgotten to check a special “spam” account he set up. You know the type. The account you have just in case you want to sign up for something on-line, but are afraid that the e-mail address you give will be broadcast to every semi-sentient spammer in the world. Well, your Maximum Leader hasn’t checked his since he left for Vegas. He checked it today. And in response to some of what resided in that mailbox, he writes this open letter:

THE MAXIMUM LEADER
THE VILLAINSCHLOSS

To: Melinda, Scott, Alberto, Armand, Clare, et. al.
From: Your Maximum Leader
Date: March 28, 2005
RE: Your recent message

Your Maximum Leader would like to thank each of you for your recent message. Although it is doubtful that we have ever met, your Maximum Leader is heartened to learn that he is among your “best and closest friends” - as your message points out. It is hard to find such subservient and obsequious minions as yourselves, he appreciates your dedication.

Additionally, your Maximum Leader thanks you for writing such a clear subject line to your message. He knew exactly what to expect when he read the words: “SEXUALLY EXPLICIT watch dumb european women work hard for cash.” He appreciates your candor.

Feel free to e-mail your Maximum Leader any time with similarly labeled messages. So long as he knows what to expect from you before he opens your e-mail he is happy.

Cordially,

Your Maximum Leader

If only all spammers were so forthcoming in their messages.

Carry on.