Greg the Barbary ape was out of shape.

He decided that he wanted to be a studly Barbary ape so he started to work out.

After three weeks of jogging, he noticed that he was starting to slim down. The lady Barbary apes were noticing too.

One day, Greg the Barbary ape noticed a hot little Barbary ape chick checking him out at the gym. He decided to jump off the tread mill and talk to her. But he turned his left ankle and fell on his face. The hot little Barbary ape chick laughed and ran away.

Unable to work out, Greg the Barbary ape porked up like a pufferfish at Golden Corral.

When his ankle healed, Greg the Barbary ape resumed his workout regimen.

After three weeks of jogging, he noticed that he was starting to slim down. The lady Barbary apes were noticing too.

One day, while buying an exercise bike, Greg the Barbary ape notice a hot little Barbary ape chick checking him out. He decided to walk across a set of pallets to talk to her.

But the pallets gave way.

Greg the Barbary ape shattered his ankle in eleventeen places.

Unable to work out, Greg the Barbary ape porked up like a feedlot steer with a compulsive eating disorder.

One day, Greg the obese Barbary ape waddled over to the mirror and noticed that his fur was turning white.

“God is out to get me!” Cried Greg the Barbary ape. “He doesn’t want me to be a studly Barbary ape! He wants me to be a mall Santa Claus with a belly full of jelly.”

But Greg the Barbary ape decided to fight back. Through the miracle of the internet, he started a website in which he directed and acted in his own subgenre of internet entertainment: Santa porn.

God was displeased with Greg the Barbary ape. One day, while Greg was porking his “elves” like a demented weasel, God gave him an aneurism.

Greg the Barbary ape was buried in the jungle. No one ever cut the grass around his tombstone.

Moral: “Don’t fight the fat. God will strike you down.”