Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader asks you all to contemplate this headline: Archaeologists Find Egyptian Stone Age Stores

What pops into your mind? Wal-Mart? Target? (Or for the more afluent minions, Neiman Marcus?)

Would you have though for one moment that the article would really be discussing graneries? Like the ones Joesph built for Pharaoh? Would you really? Come on! You were thinking retail outlets. You all were wondering if some neanderthal woman was going to find a stone age store and look around for a nice bag to match her skins. Or, if it was a neolithic Sears, a set of those new-fangled flint arrowheads for that nice guy that knocked her up last winter. You know you were thinking that.

Could the misleading headline be the result of some editor thinking that no reader would know the word “graneries” if they saw it in a sentance? Did the editor know what a granery was? Humm.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader would like to doff his bejeweled floppy hat and salute the Acidman at Gut Grumbles on the 3rd anniversary of his blog.

Although your Maximum Leader doesn’t always link to the Acidman’s posts, or mention them nearly enough, he reads Gut Grumbles a few times a day. Indeed, the reason the blog is listed as “Acidman” rather than “Gut Grumbles” on the blogroll is so that your Maximum Leader reads it first as he scrolls down his blogroll.

And allow your Maximum Leader to write something else while he is talking about the Tall Dog at Gut Grumbles. Rob is the most open and honest blogger I read. He opens his soul and lets us read it. Not many people do that. I certainly don’t. He has earned my respect without ever having met him.

I hope I can get down to Georgia sometime and meet him. I’ll buy the beer.

Happy 3rd anniversary Rob. I hope for many more.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, as loyal minions should know, is an Elvis man. He likes to keep up with goings-on concerning “The King” in the news. So imagine his interest when he read this headline: Man Auctions Water From Cup Elvis Used.

Huh?

It seems Mr. Jade Jones of Belmont, NC just made $455 by selling water from a cup from which Elvis purportedly drank in a 1977 concert.

Your Maximum Leader, who is an Elvis fan afterall, is all for people buying and selling their Elvis related stuff. But really now… Water? Deep frozen then transferred to a vial? $455? That is a little much.

But speaking of Elvis artifacts… Your Maximum Leader has a rule concerning Elvis-stuff. It cannot cost more than $25 (US). With the exception of Elvis CD box sets, nothing Elvis related your Maximum Leader owns cost him more than $25. This rule has been an albatross around his neck however. You see, your Maximum Leader would love to purchase the perfect Velvis. (Velvet Elvis Portrait that is.) The Velvis must be of “The King” circa 1976. He should be dressed in a jumpsuit (American Eagle jumpsuit or Aztec Sun jumpsuit preferably) and he should be sweating profusely. A general blue-tint to the work is also acceptable. Yor Maximum Leader has been looking for the perfect Velvis for years. But everytime he finds a suitable contender, it is more than $25. Once, while traveling through Missouri, your Maximum leader found a near perfect Velvis. It was hanging on the wall of the Jesse James Hideout and Saloon, off I-70 roughly in the middle of the state. Your Maximum Leader haggled with the proprietor of the establishment. But, sadly, the proprietor wouldn’t part with it for $25.

The search continues.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader must be in a rather base frame of mind today. Why? Well who really knows why, but in keeping with the bodily needs theme he has going he’ll refer you all to the contemplations of the Poet Laureate.

Your Maximum Leader can give the Big Hominid a two word answer that explains the urine droplet on top of the urinal.

Magic Droplet.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, once, lived in an apartment building. (Okay, upon reflection make that twice.) And while a denizen of that apartment building, he noticed a very attractive asian girl living in the twin building across the street. Our schedules were dissimilar so we never passed each other. But your Maximum Leader would generally spy her walking out of her building to her car, or sometimes talking on a cordless on the balcony. Once, your Maximum Leader found himself standing in a long queue next to this girl. He wondered what to say.

Well, if you Maximum Leader were Kilgore Trout, he may have chosen to blog an open letter to her.

Alas, your Maximum Leader wasn’t so inspired.

Carry on.

An interesting piece on cow-share milking on NPR.

I considered cow-sharing since several people have expressed interest in Bonnie’s milk, but decided that the effort, trouble, and risk did not justify the potential profit. But I’m glad to see other small family farms making a go of it.

And well-wishes for the sick villains.

UPDATE FROM YOUR MAXIMUM LEADER: Many thanks to the Smallholder on his well-wishes. The Tomboy Villainette is still a little under the weather. And your Maximum Leader himself is generally fatigued. Although this could be a result of over-indulging in left-overs for the past few days…

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, among his varied musical delights, has a real soft spot for Johnny Cash. He was truly on of our nation’s greatest poet-songwriters. He was also, later in life, a man repentant for his past. And that made him sympathetic and admirable. Your Maximum Leader can respect a man who admits he’s done wrong and is contrite.

Why bring this up now? Well, go on over to Brian B’s blog, Memento Moron and read some of Brian’s thoughts on Cash.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader would like to know why what President and Mrs. Bush gave each other for Christmas is news.

If you all are so nosey and feel you want to know what your Maximum Leader got for Christmas here you go… A Vladimir Horowitz CD (with Tchiakowski & Beethoven pieces), A Cowboy Junkies CD, A Winston Churchill Speeches CD, The Star Wars Trilogy on DVD, Burton & Taylor’s “Taming of the Shew” on DVD, Orson Welles’ “Touch of Evil” on DVD, “Blade Runner” on DVD, Mel Brooks’ “Blazing Saddles” on DVD, A book “Treasures of the British Museum,” A book “Churchill: His Life As A Painter,” A book “Washington Schlepped Here,” A book “I am Charlotte Simmons,” and some tea from Mighty Leaf.

There might be one or two your Maximum Leader left off the list… But you’ll just have to live with it.

Do you feel better now? Jeez.

Carry on.

UPDATE: Brian asks the same question with a novel twist, how do celebrities acquire surprise gifts for people when their images are splashed all over everything? Good question. Your Maximum Leader supposes, like Brian, that personal assistants get everything for them. In which case the gifts are surprises for the giver and receiver. Speaking of assistants, your Maximum Leader knows two people who do have a “shopping assistant” on their “payroll.” These people pay a monthly retainer to an individual ($75/month) who will do their shopping for them. And your Maximum Leader isn’t talking about running to the store for eggs and milk type of shopping. He is talking about “my anniversary is next Wednesday and my wife needs a gift” type of shopping. Indeed, this “shopping assistant” knows all the important people and dates; does the buying and then drops the presents off at the office for giving. The “shopping assistant” also drops off a photo of the gift along with a description of the gift in her invoice. She invoices for her time ($25/hr) and the gift (Cost + 5% handling fee). Your Maximum Leader once asked his acquaintance if he thought a “shopping assistant” made sense financially and emotionally. The acqaintance said yes. He knows he’ll always have a gift and never forget an important anniversary. And, living in Northern Virginia, he’ll never have to set foot in Tysons Corner Center again.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was persusing the Wall Street Journal’s OpinionJournal and the article on gay marriage by Johnathan Rauch.

As frequent readers know, the gay marriage debate is one that has waxed and waned here at Nakedvillainy over the course of the year. Your Maximum Leader just wanted to direct those minions who just can’t get enough of this subject to go on over and read Rauch’s piece. (You have to register if you haven’t already.)

If he didn’t say it after the election, but he thinks he did, your Maximum Leader does think some of the anti-gay marriage amendments to state constitutions passed this November were a bit overreaching. Your Maximum Leader, while not wanting to expand the accepted definition of marriage to include gays, has no over-arching objection to civil-unions.

Read the piece if you like. If not, well… Not.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has found a subject on the internet worthy of your time and careful consideration… The subject would be, your Maximum Leader himself. Read sexy Sadie’s Interview with the Maximum Leader: Part One.

She is a lot more interesting, and sexy, than David Frost.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wonders what the Divine plan is for the Green Bay Packers. He’s learned that former Green Bay defensive end Reggie White died this morning.

He was 43.

Sad news indeed.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is suffering from a touch of the flu or something. Indeed, some nausea-inducing bug is going around the villainschloss. So, he is taking it easy now.

And as you know, taking it easy often equates to sitting down and surfing the internet.

Well, as your Maximum Leader was catching up on his overseas newspaper reading what should he see? He sees that the Royal Navy has banned “The Sun” with Page 3 girls.

Prudes. They claim topless girls disrupt fleet cohesion or something…

It will not happen in the Mike World Order.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions.

Your Maximum Leader wishes all of you a very erry Christmas. May your stockings be filled, and your presents under the tree be many.

And may you spend this joyous day in the bosom of friends and family.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees the Smallholder is making plans… Humm…

Let’s review his list:

1) Get promoted to Panjandrum CHECK!

2) Survive the first purge CHECK!

3) Wait until the excesses of the MWO turn the populace against Mike

4) Seize power by posing as a populist liberator

Do you know why this list strikes your Maximum Leader as funny? Let him show you this other list:

1) Get promoted to important party position. CHECK!
2) Survive the first purge. CHECK!
3) Wait until the excesses of the Party Leadership turn the people against the General Secretary. (This should happen by 1936.)
4) Seize power by posing as a true party leader and liberator of the people.

That was Sergei Kirov’s list. Heh.

Carry on.