help… I can’t stop laughing!

http://www.funnyhub.com/pictures/img/free-cat.jpg

the FM

For Brian

Robert Novak says that it is not just about cronyism:

“Members of Congress describe her as a nice person but hardly a constitutional scholar. Indeed, she might trip over questions that Roberts handled so deftly.”

It is conservatives who are questioning Mier’s intellectual firepower.

Disaster Relief

Farmers in Virginia are receiving emergency disaster relief because of the drought.

Look, it has been dry.

Real dry.

My pastures are short and I’m feeding hay.

I will only break even this year.

But you won’t see me with my hand out asking for tax money.

Why should you all pay higher taxes because my business was not diversified enough to make a profit during entirely predictable periods of dry weather?

Should we also give money to fuel oil companies during unusually warm winters?

How about giving money to lemonade stands during cold snaps?

For a bunch of people who are supposedly rugged indiviodualists, my fellow farmers sure are a bunch of welfare queens.

I’m just sayin’.

Announcement

I don’t have to put up with the Minister of Propaganda’s threats!

If Rob doesn’t learn to play nice, I’m taking my ball and going home.

Smallholder’s Single Chick Detection Methodology

Mention you have a cow.

The organic hippie chick granola hotties will be all over you like a hobo on a ham sandwich.

Le Club des Hommes: Is She Single?

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is pleased to resume his part in posting in the weekly forum of topics covered by the Men’s Club and Demystifying Divas. Alas, this week you, dear readers, may have been better served if the good Minister of Propaganda had written on this week’s subject. You see, this week we are dealing with the topic of “How can you tell if someone is single?” Alas, your Maximum Leader is happily married (but not so happy that he wouldn’t entertain offers from… Oh… The dreamy Miss Jennifer Love Hewitt…). Since your Maximum Leader has been married for a while, his ability to spot a single woman has grown dull. But our Minister of Propaganda is single and always looking to make the acquaintance intelligent left-of-center women. So, as you can see, the M of P might be able to shed more light on this subject than your Maximum Leader.

This is not to say that your Maximum Leader has nothing to contribute on this topic. Far from it. You see, now that your Maximum Leader is married and has reproduced from time to time single women just present themselves to him. As he remembers this was also the case when he was unmarried, but in a serious relationship with a woman.

Your Maximum Leader has found that being a father in certain situations is a sure-fire way of attracting single women. By this he means that when he goes out places with one of his brood, without the company of Mrs Villain, he is often approached by single women. Not just any places mind you, but he’s always found that the same type of places suddenly show themselves to be “single women” zones.

For example, your Maximum Leader was out with the Wee Villain (aged 16 months) at the beachover the summer. Your Maximum Leader was just out for a walk in the evening to get a little exercise. He was stopped no fewer than three times by young women who wanted to coo over the Wee Villain. The Wee Villain would play “shy” and “hard to get” which only intensified the cooing of the young women. Your Maximum Leader would ask the cooing women if they had kids. The answer was the same. “No, I’m still looking for the right man.”

This caused your Maximum Leader to think. Why would a woman looking for the right man stop a man who was walking around with a baby? Well, the plainly evident reason is that at some level of that woman’s mind she knew that the man with the baby had already been shown to be the “right man” by someone. And since the man was alone, there was a chance that due to some unknown circumstance the man might be available.

This thought is in line with your Maximum Leader’s experience when dating. Indeed, many men have similar experiences when they are dating. You know the experience of which your Maximum Leader is speaking. The one when a man is single and not seeing anyone there can often be long stretches where no woman is apparently interested in him. But if a man is seeing a woman things are somehow different. If a man has decided to date one woman exclusively it is as though he is now surrounded by a mystical “taken aura” visible only to other women.

And when a single woman sees the “taken aura” she is intrigued. Why is he taken? He must have something going for him? After all, no sensible woman would date a man that didn’t have some redeeming qualities. This is a man who should be investigated further.

Yes loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader can remember a number of times when he was seriously dating a woman and he had to fight off the single women who were interested. (Well… That might be a bit of hyperbole there. But he can remember at least one time - and perhaps two (damn the alcohol!) - when he did have to fight off a woman who was all over him.) It seems as though the only sure way to be certain if a woman was single and interested was to be unavailable.

Yes you read that correctly. The only way for a man to be certain a woman is single (and interested) is for the man to be unavailable to women other than the one with whom he is in a relationship.

That is sorta weird isn’t it? Only by appearing “harmless” is the man able to truly know if a woman is single. Otherwise there is always the game. The game of “exchanging glances, buying drinks, trying to think up witty opening lines, then establishing a baseline of interest, then trying to arrange a less chance encounter.”

So there. You now have your Maximum Leader’s thoughts on this topic.

For other manly thoughts check out Phin, The Wizard, and Stiggy. For the feminine Divas view check out Kathy, Silk, and Phoenix. (And Sexy Sadie too - who refused to conform to convention but gave you a sneak peek into next week’s topic.) Also check out Nugget and Jamesyboy.

Carry on.

T-Shirt Babe Needed.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader needs a t-shirt babe. Yes. That would be a babe to model the fabulous swag available for you over at the Villainous Commerce store (clicky clicky on the Coin on the right side toolbar which exhorts you to “Buy Minions! Buy!).

Anyone interested in becoming the Naked Villainy T-shirt babe should just shoot your Maximum Leader an e-mail.

First disclaimer: The T-shirt babe would not have to pose in the “Well Hung” shirt. As we would anticipate that the T-shirt babe was not “hung” in that sense at all. Anyho… Phin has us covered in that department.

Second disclaimer: Your Maximum Leader promises that he will not try to date the Naked Villainy t-shirt babe. Nor would he ask her to move in with him. Nor would he, after the T-shirt babe had moved in, allow his blog to become a “cat blog.” Not like other blogs out there…

Carry on.

Influenza Reborn

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, or all together different reasons from yesterday, has little time for posting today. Mrs Villain appears to have come down with a particularly nasty flu bug. Allow him to say that it hasn’t been pretty at the Villainschloss.

And speaking of flu bugs… Did you see this neat article off the Washington Post? Researchers have recreated the deadly 1918 Influenza virus in a laboratory for study. They had most of the genetic makeup of the “Spanish Flu” but had to get the last bit of the genetic code of the virus from the remains of a victim of the epidemic. (They found one buried in the permafrost of Alaska.)

Fascinating article about the similarities of the 1918 Flu and the modern “Bird Flu.” You should click through and check it out.

Carry on.

For Those Keeping Score

With the retirement of O’Connor and the death of Rehnquist, the current vote of the court in favor of an expansive interpretation of eminent domain is 5-2 with Roberts’ opinion unclear.

I Take It Back - I Do Want a Litmus Test

The one litmus test (if Smallholder ran the world) for the Supreme Court would consist of the following question:

Will you use the next eminent domain case to come before the court to overturn Kelo v. New London?

The correct answer, as you all know, is: YES. HELL YES.

Reject Meirs

Your humble Smallholder supported the confirmation of Roberts. While I am opposed to some of the rulings that conservatives hope for from Roberts, the chief justice was qualified. Presidents gets to appoint and the Senate gets to confirm; the Democrats were being silly for opposing Roberts. The people have spoken at the polls and given both the White House and the Senate over to Republican control. So Republicans get to pick the judges. This is not to let Republicans, who blocked many more of Clinton’s appointments than the Dems have of Bush’s., off the hypocricy hook, but in the Roberts case the government worked the way the framers designed it to.

The Senate has the right to ask questions about a nominee’s viewpoints and it is a shame that partisanship has removed all meat from confirmation hearings. But the Senate ought not to have a litmus test on any single position. Having a variety of Constitutional constructions on the court is a good idea. Even if Roberts refused to address any substantive positions, his viewpoint was apparent from his “paper trail.”

Justice Meirs is a horse of another color. The best piece I have seen on her nomination is vie the Volokh Conspiracy. Randy Barnett points out that one of the major functions of the Senate’s confirmation check of Presidential appointment power was (and is) the prevention of cronyism. Regardless of what kind of justice Meirs turns out to be (if confirmed), her record does NOT speak for itself. If she follows recent tradition and does not answer questions about her Constitutional analysis, the Senate will be asked to confirm her on pure speculation.

This is bad policy. We ought to have nominees with established judicial or intellectual credentials.

Reject Meirs. Whether you are a conservative, moderate or liberal. It’s not the judge. It’s the cronyism.
—–
EXTENDED BOY:

Baseball Predictions

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is positively brimming with topics on which he would like to opine. Alas, he is in Dee Cee attending to some other business with the bureaucrats at our very own United States Department of State. He has a little time at lunch on a WiFi connection and decided to make some baseball predictions. Here they are:

New York over Los Angeles (Angels) in 5 games
Boston over Chicago (White Sox) in 5 games
St. Louis over San Diego in 4 games
and the upset…

Atlanta over Houston in 5 games.

BTW, your Maximum Leader finished 2nd in the Lovely Annika’s fantasy baseball league. If he had bothered to trade one of his outstanding closers for a starter who could get some more wins he might have made it a little closer down the stretch… Ah well. (NB to Annika: Thanks for the invite. Your Maximum Leader would love to do it again next year.)

Carry on.

Speaking of Mormon Girls and the Minister of Propaganda

Don’t think I haven’t forgotten that Mormon girl you didn’t hook up with at Longwood.

Who went on to derail my Sophomore year.

Thanks a lot, buddy.

I think the MOP’s two week absence is going to be fun…

Oh Heck - I AM Feeling Political Today

Who says cronyism?
How is horse breeding really
Diff-rent from FEMA?

Luttig and Gonzales
Sadly weep and gnash their teeth
In outer darkness

Yes confirmation
No dangerous paper trail
Lipstick on Bush butt

Overturn Roe v Wade?
Defang the Christian right wing?
Surely you must jest

Smallholder admits
Maximum Lader right
Duck the flying pigs

Memento Moron
Likely to savage MA?
Prob-ly will happen

Rusty Shackleford
Refuses to drink Kool-Aid
Delink apostate!

Will Big Hominid
Dig the new category?
Write feces haiku?

Fistful of Fortnights
Bereft of the MOP
Irish Lad sleeps soundly

Bill’s Comments will
Blame poor education for
Smallholder’s opinions

MOP Salt Lake
Conservative Mormons flee
Comes for your daughters

Foreign Minister
Silently drinks German beer
Will he bash MA?

Smallholder goes right
Says “I likee me rifle”
Joining NRA?

Groundhog Haiku

Lest you think Smallholder has gone all political:

Fat obnoxious turd
Making holes in the pasture
Eat hot lead you punk

Mrs. Smallholder
Is finally out of patience
She says feed the pigs

Caddyshack not true
307 rounds do kill
Non-puppet groundhogs

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