Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader must have forgotten to leave instructions with his ministers concerning last week’s episode of the Men’s Club. It was the one where we men were supposed to raise three questions of the fairer sex that puzzle us.

You know the type of question of which your Maximum Leader speaks? Surely you do. But just in case he’ll give you an example. Why do women actually ask men if a particular outfit makes their arse look big? Can there be a right answer to that question? If a man says “yes” it causes a scene and prevents him from gettin’ any good luvin’ for a while. If he says “no” the woman thinks he might be lying. These are the weighty matters with which we concern ourselves today.

But just to be interesting, your Maximum Leader has decided to channel his ministers and what types of questions they would like to ask the fairer sex…

In the mode of the Minister of Propaganda:

1) Are you interested in me because of my wit and charm, or is it my wholesome Liberal political philosophy that turns you on?
2) So? Would you like to go out and catch a flick then head back to my place; or should we find a nice coffee house and monologue for hours about the evil neo-con conspiracies now besetting our great Republic?
3) Would you like me to show you something I learned from Bill Clinton?

In the mode of the Foreign Minister:

1) So, visit the Biergarten often?
2) Whaddya say we head back to my place? I’ll show you my big guns then I’ll see how good you are blowing off a few rounds?
3) What? I didn’t mention that there’s a time for fuckin’ and a time for sleepin’? And sleepin’ time isn’t the same as cuddle time?

In the mode of the Poet Laureate:

1) Have you ever considered the relationship between scatology and the early Byzantine Iconoclasts?
2) Is your Buddha-mind also connected to your Buddha-sphincter?
3) Have I shown you my little alien friend? The Cosmic Import is his name.

In the mode of the Smallholder:

1) Are those real? Because if they are I’d sure like to practice by technique?
2) I’ve got a ram back at the farm. Would you like to come over and have me show him to you?
3) Would you like to test fly the button fly?

And finally in the mode of your Maximum Leader:

1) Do you know how you could best serve your Maximum Leader’s… needs?
2) Would you be willing to undergo massive reconstructive surgery to make yourself look a bit more like the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt?
3) Would you like to learn more about pseudo-benevolent autocracy darling?

Now if you are interested in real questions go an read Phin, Stiggy, Jamesy, and Nugget. Or for the ladies questions check out Kathy, Silk and Phoenix. The lovely Sadie is taking a little brea…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is glad to be back in the dark foreboding confines of the Villainschloss. After a week away it is a relief to be back with the lovely Mrs. Villain, the Villainettes, and the wee Villain. It is a relief in so many ways, not the least of which is how much better he is sleeping. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t sleep well in most hotels. The mattresses are soft and the pillows inconsequential. At the Villainschloss the mattresses are firm, the pillows firm, and the water pressure in the showers resemble that of a power-washer.

But your Maximum Leader digresses…

Indeed, if you are looking for reasonable accommodation in Toronto, Canada you may choose to stay at the Delta Chelsea Hotel. It is nicer than most hotels, but not as nice as others. In point of fact your Maximum Leader has always taken a shine to Hiltons. Hiltons are ubiquitous enough to be everywhere your Maximum Leader needs to go. They are accommodating enough to meet his needs. And Hiltons generally are at an acceptable price-point for travel.

The Delta Chelsea in Toronto didn’t strike your Maximum Leader as being quite as nice as the better Hiltons, but surely as good as your better Sheratons. Indeed, before going to Toronto some of the more “jet-set” people with whom your Maximum Leader is acquainted informed him that he needed to stay at the Ritz-Carlton in the Yorkville District of Toronto. Your Maximum Leader had to turn tables on them and inform them that the last time he was in Toronto he stayed at the Royal York. The consensus among the “jet-set” was that the Royal York was the better hotel, but that the Ritz was nearer to the best shopping and dining.

But your Maximum Leader digresses again…

It had been a long while since your Maximum Leader had visited Toronto. He had forgotten how much he actually likes Toronto. All the big city attractions and culture you need, with fewer homeless people, less trash, and minimal crime. Indeed, on the list of great North American cities, Toronto is rather highly rated by your Maximum Leader.

Your Maximum Leader will not bore you all with the details of why he was in Toronto. It should suffice to say that he was there to further his ever expanding plots that will culminae in the establishment of the Mike World Order.

But your Maximum Leader will share with you all a few highlights of his trip.

First, his anger towards the National Hockey League has abated. He watched a lot of hockey in the evenings before retiring; and he was able to go to the Hockey Hall of Fame. The love of Canadians for hockey (their national sport) did much to rekindle the love of hockey that your Maximum Leader has had since his youth. So that is a good thing. The Hockey Hall of Fame is great. But it was somewhat smaller than he remembered. And once the expansion of the Baseball Hall of Fame is completed, Cooperstown will once again reign supreme in the Halls of Fame category of tourist attraction.

Secondly, the shopping in Toronto is actually quite good. With the strong US dollar he was able to make a few nice purchases for Mrs. Villain and the Villainettes while away.

Third, your Maximum Leader’s animosity towards the US airline industry has grown. Never before in the history of the service sector was so much extorted from so many for so little tangible comfort. Your Maximum Leader has made a note to himself to bring his own liquor and fine food on the flight with him.

Fourth, your Maximum Leader was able to pick up the latest Cowboy Junkies album. It is entitled “21st Century Blues.” Unfortunately, most of the album consists of covers of anti-war Bruce Springsteen and John Lennon songs. Not the sorrowful, yet compelling, stories of humanity that are the songs written by Michael Timmins. All the songs are well produced and movingly performed. Margo Timmins is still on the list of the sexiest women in the universe as far as your Maximum Leader is concerned. And your Maximum Leader must admit that the cover of “One” by U2 is very very good.

But the real highlight of the trip was meeting Skippy…

Your Maximum Leader feared, for reasons that need not be discussed here, that he might not get to meet Skippy at all. Skippy is a busy man. Your Maximum Leader is a busy man. Schedules didn’t coincide… It was a touch and go thing.

But once your Maximum Leader determines he is going to do something, he does it. So in anticipation of meeting with Skippy your Maximum Leader thought it might be a propos if he bought a little gift of greetings for Skippy. Afterall, your Maximum Leader was a guest in Skippy’s nation.

So, the first component of the gift was hardly a gift at all. Your Maximum Leader had fallen a little behind on his reading of National Review. So he brought the two most recent editions with him on the trip. Normally, your Maximum Leader, when he travels, brings along old National Reviews and leaves them conspicuously in public places. He does this in the hopes that some fellow traveler will be wanting reading material, pick up the National Review, and be converted to the Dark Side. In a way this is something of a public service in your Maximum Leader’s opinion.

On this trip it seemed appropriate to give these two copies of National Review to Skippy (given his love of American politics).

But two old (and pre-read) copies of National Review were hardly a gift. So something else had to be added to the mix. Something that Skippy would like and would actually use (in some way).

Being the avid reader of Skippy’s page that he is, your Maximum Leader knew that only one gift would do the trick. That gift is the gift that keeps on giving over and over again. Namely pornography.

To read the tale click through below the fold… Otherwise…

Carry on.
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Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has returned from his trip to Canada. He’s actually been back for a few days. But over that time he’s been taking care of family business. He’ll write a more lengthy post in a bit. But for the moment he will direct your attention to this bit off the Reuters news wire:

Dead British Parrot had deadly bird flu.

If the content of the article weren’t so grave one would be tempted to start making dead parrot jokes.

And if your Maximum Leader has to explain dead parrot jokes to you… Well… That is just sad.

Carry on.

Has anyone noticed that Sadie’s break has conveniently coincided with the Minister of Propaganda’s absence while filming “on location?”

Be gentle when you tell the Irish Lad.

If Sadie is taking a break, is it okay to bust her chops with impunity?

I mean, I do it to the poor Minister of Propaganda whenever he is on location…

Annika’s “Wednesday is Poetry Day” is a fun episodic posting theme. Last Wednesday it was “Casey at the Bat,” which amused me because I had referenced that poem in my farewell haiku for Sadie.

But today ought to be “Trafalgar Poetry Day:”

The British Navy, my friends, protects the freedom of us all.

Take a moment to reflect on the way Trafalgar is a fulcrum of history. If Napoleon’s naval forces had secured even a few days’ control of the Channel, beautiful Albion would have fallen. Without the support of British coffers, the continental powers would have succumbed to the diminuative despot.

All hail the fall of Gallic Despotism!

Now this, my friends, is a sport.

Perhaps Sweet Seasons Farm should start growing uber-pumpkins. I particularly like the idea of turning one into a boat.

This is a repost of an entry I’d written on my blog on June 14th of this year.
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For the role playing geeks out there.

Super Seekrit note to the Big Hominid: Methinks you’ll enjoy “aporrhoea.”

See Serenity
Rapier wit dialogue
Cool explosions too

Geico ads stupid
The unofficial amphib?
Toddlers know better

The Luddites Were Right
Tractors are bad for farmers
Grab a shovel, man!

Sadie taking break
Alas, no joy in Mudville
My barn feels empty

Does anyone else get annoyed at the Geico commercial that claims that the gecko is the “unofficial Virginia state amphibian?”

Maybe it’s just me.

Via Annika, I found this funny little site.

My monster name is:

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Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is in Toronto right now. Bright clear day. Very pleasant overall. Unfortunately, the WiFi system at his hotel is not functioning and no one seems to know when it will be up and running. So your Maximum Leader is in a PC Bahang as it were checking on e-mails and such.

He thinks he is going to go to the Hockey Hall of Fame today if he has any free time. He might be lucky enough to catch a Leafs game on Wednesday night…

After watching some hockey on TV your Maximum Leader’s ill will towards the league is beginning to fade…

Anyho… Limited blogging still the expectation…

Carry on.