Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was hoping to have some picture blogging to share with you all (especially Robbo) today. Alas, he’s having a little problem at the Villainschloss. Apparently the washing machine has malfunctioned and partially flooded part of the dungeon. So… That is the pressing problem…

In the meanwhile…

According to the wonders of science… If you are a man and you want to keep your “boys” free from DNA defects or damage (and by “boys” your Maximum Leader means “your swimmers.” Okay… He means sperm.); then you need to have sex every day.

Scientists say so. It is reported on the interwebs so it must be true.

While the context of this piece deals with men getting women pregnant… Your Maximum Leader figures he doesn’t want to have any of his “swimmers” suffering from DNA defects. He’ll have to tell Mrs Villain that more “conjugation” is in order for health reasons.

Also… It would stand to reason that if a man wants to get a woman pregnant he should have sex with her frequently…

Your Maximum Leader should be a scientist…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader and his lovely wife spend a lovely long weekend at the Nemacolin Resort (with a brief foray to Pittsburgh for the Pirates/Royals game on Saturday night). And what has been going on in the meanwhile?

Ed McMahon - dead.
Farrah Fawcett - dead.
Michael Jackson - dead.
Billy Mays - dead.

Great jeezey chreezey!

On the flip side…

Abe Vigoda - lives!

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that Palmetto State Governor Mark Sanford has fessed-up to having an affair with a woman in Argentina.

Well… More accurately he’s been having an affair with a woman. The affair was discovered when he jetted off to Argentina to have a little Father’s Day fling with the woman. It is unclear to your Maximum Leader if the woman is in any way related to Argentina - except perhaps in the “she likes to have sex” there way. Your Maximum Leader is sure that Argentina is a great place. If he ever gets a chance to visit (which he has always wanted to do), he will likely do so with Mrs Villain. He also imagines that whatever it is that makes American men horny in Argentina will affect him. Lucky Mrs Villain will be with your Maximum Leader so there will be no need for resignations, apologies and recriminations upon his return.

Your Maximum Leader wonders if the woman is in fact Andrea Rincon? You may recall that last week your Maximum Leader mentioned rumors that Bill Clinton had “tapped” Ms. Rincon. (A rumor that persists this week.) What would be the chances that Governor Sanford also “tapped” Ms Rincon?

Great jeezey chreezey! If Andrea Rincon had been liasing with both Clinton and Sanford that would be a heck of a story! Not only that but your Maximum Leader would have to declare that Ms. Rincon would be the sexiest woman in politics so far this year!

Riddle your Maximum Leader this, how many more prominent Republicans will be caught cheating on their wives? 2 more? 3 more? Your Maximum Leader should run an over/under pool on this… He will say the number is 2. Over/under two more prominent Republicans caught cheating on their wives by the end of 2009.

Never fear loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has never cheated on Mrs Villain. He doesn’t ever plan on cheating on Mrs Villain. Of course, if the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt (or very desireable Grace Thorsen) happened to proposition him; he would be sorely tried.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader (while not working on restoring his iPod last night) watched the Washington Nationals/Boston Red Sox baseball game last night.

Ugh…

In what is becoming typical “Natinals” performance, the boys played close until they went to the bullpen.

Your Maximum Leader nearly placed a bet with his brother-in-law (a transplanted Bostoner and die-hard Sawx fan) that the “Natinals” would take one out of three games. Today, after seeing our bullpen performance, he isn’t sure he’d try to get a bet on a split of the final two games.

Also… Your Maximum Leader should say how distressed he was (yet unsurprised) at the crowds in Nationals Park last night. He was overjoyed to see 41,000 people in the park to watch the game. He was not so happy in the knowledge that probably 30,000 of them were rooting for the Sawx.

Indeed, your Maximum Leader believes that (once again) Tom Boswell summarizes his feelings about this series (and much of what goes on with the “Natinals” club) in his column in the WaPo today.

In hopes it will bring some better ju-ju to the team…

Go Nats!

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has had a rough week. Well… That isn’t entirely true. Perhaps there is some hyperbole in there…

Your Maximum Leader needed to spend Monday recovering from his weekend celebrations. He was able to spend the weekend with three of his good friends (The Smallholder, The Minister of Propaganda - erstwhile bloggers in this space - and Polymath). Spending time together requires drinking copious amounts of alcohol, eating the roasted flesh of a huge hog, and “solving the worlds problems.” In many cases the whole “solving the world’s problems” part involves one or more of us determining that Mr/Mrs/Miss So-and-so be “dragged out and shot.” Needless to say… It is safe to keep firearms away from us during this time…

It was funny that the Minister of Propaganda should comment about this blog. He noted that the infrequency of updates over the past few months was “more like letter writing than blogging.” That struck your Maximum Leader as funny and true…

More “letter writing” over the summer one supposes…

Tuesday’s prime bloggy time was spent working out a SERIOUS PROBLEM!!!! VERY SERIOUS!!!!!

Your Maximum Leader’s iPod locked up and just kept flashing the black screen with the silver Apple logo on it over and over again. Since 2005 your Maximum Leader’s iPod has been a rather constant companion. It is his absolutely favorite piece of personal electronics. This was the first time that any malfunction had occurred. Your Maximum Leader couldn’t imagine going ONE FRIGGIN DAY without an iPod. He was so paniced that he contemplated going to Best Buy and buying a new one right before they closed - just in case he couldn’t restore his first.

Your Maximum Leader was able to get his iPod into disk mode and reinstall the OS on it. Then he had to reload all of his content back onto the little black iPod. He was pretty scared for a little bit there… But it is okay now. His iPod has been chugging along all day now and all seems well…

Thank God for small mercies. Like a functioning iPod.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wanted to wish all you fathers a happy Father’s Day this Sunday. Although this is one of those horrid “Hallmark” holidays that exist for no other purpose than to stimulate buying of cards and small gifts, he feels that this year he’ll give more support to the day as a means of standing up for the free market and consumerism.

So go out there and spend for your dad.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been following the goings-on in Iran since the late presidential elections. He has been gobsmacked by the Ayatollah Ali Khamenei’s claim that the elections couldn’t be rigged. He has also been reading accounts of what has been going on in the streets.

Which brings him to the “Fear Is Gone” page on the Wall Street Journal Editorial page today. You should go and read the accounts that the WSJ is publishing from people in Tehran.

Your Maximum Leader hopes that the protesters and opposition figures are able to move the government. He isn’t sure where he wants the government moved however. (And by “government” he means the Ayatollahs running the country.) He doesn’t forsee the possibility of a full coup that throws out the religious leaders. But some other resolution would seem in order.

This is not to say that a full revolution that does oust the current government and the Ayatollahs would be a bad thing. It is just that it would be such an unpredictable thing. Your Maximum Leader’s inherent distrust of all revolutions (even ones that on their face he wants to wholeheartedly support) is getting to him. If we have learned anything about revolutionary fervor we should know that you can’t predict their outcomes.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader thanks you all for your kind birthday wishes. He will try to respond to all of you individually over the next day or so.

All in all his birthday was a good one. Mrs Villain is being very coy about the gift for your Maximum Leader from her and the kids. He’s not received anything yet except word that “You’ll enjoy it.” So he continues to wait. He does know that Mrs Villain has spent an inordinately high amount of money on the gift so far - but has been careful to not put anything down in a way that would enable your Maximum Leader to figure things out. If you Maximum Leader had to guess, he would guess that Mrs Villain is going to spirit him away to the Nemocolin Resort next weekend. (Nemacolin is one of your Maximum Leader’s favorite places.)

Anyhoo…

None of what he’s shared with you yet is scurrilous gossip…

One of your Maximum Leader’s more rabidly political friends contacted him yesterday night via an email that said “Hey. Bill Clinton is tapping this.” (Please consider that link sorta NSFW.)

Your Maximum Leader, of course clickyed the linky and surveyed the photos of one Agentine beauty, Andrea Rincon. She is one hot little number. Of course, your Maximum Leader tried to get his friend on the phone and find out how he would know this jucy tidbit. Alas, he’s not made contact yet. He did find this on the Washington Post today. Apparently, Al Kamen is reporting that according to President Clinton’s people nothing happened between Ms Rincon and the former President.

Now… Your Maximum Leader is a very happily married man. He would never cheat on his wife… But if your Maximum Leader were Bill Clinton he would definately “tap” Ms. Rincon. Afterall, what happens on a fundraising trip to Buenos Aries stays in Buenos Aries. In fact, if your Maximum Leader were Bill Clinton he would likely be spending all of his time overseas doing everything possible to “improve the United States’ reputation” amongst hot foreign women.

Just sayin’.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was thinking about this clip all day today.

Craig Ferguson is one brilliant bastard.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader today exercised his privledges to post over on another blog. He had planned on writing and publishing his thoughts here; but then realized the other blog might be a little more a propos of his true feelings.

If you are interested you can check out your Maximum Leader’s take on Michael Kinsley’s latest missive on the national anthem by clicking through on “Effing Conservatives.”

Carry you.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is stealing an post type from FLG again.

He is currently listening to:

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees on the news wire that scientists are predicting that the Earth and Venus (or possibly the Earth and Mars - depending on the model you use) will collide with each other. If they don’t actually collide there is a possibility that the planets will pass so close to one another that they might as well collide.

Yup. That is a nasty firey collision in which all humanity will perish.

Lucky for us it looks like this might not happen for 3.5 billion years.

By that point your Maximum Leader is sure that we would have left our homeworld and settled twelve new colonies. We should also have managed to produce hawt Cylons to serve us…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader visited his sainted in-laws a few weeks ago. While visiting, he and his father-in-law took a little boat ride. Along the way we passed this new home situated on the river near the end of the creek on which his in-laws reside.

This is a nice piece of new construction. Your Maximum Leader is told that they are just finishing the interior work. He isn’t sure if you can clearly make it out from this low-res phone camera picture… Allow him to describe some items for you… The big glassed in porch facing the river is in fact a big glassed in patio with large pool and hot-tub. On the extreme left side of the house in the photo there is a round tower (that looks like a silo) with a small silver dome next to it. That is a circular staircase that terminates at its peak with a door leading to a private roof-top observatory (the small sliver dome). Your Maximum Leader understands the house is at least 8,000 sq. ft. and probably closer to 10,000 sq. ft. He is not sure of the bedroom count but he’s been told it is five or six.

All in all not too shabby a domicile. Perhaps your Maximum Leader will need to check it out as a summer Villainschloss. Sort of like the Kennedy Compound at Hyannis… Only in Virginia… And without all those Kennedys…

Carry on.

A view from the Masonic Cemetery in Fredericksburg, VA looking towards James Monroe’s law office.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that there has just been an explosion at a North Carolina factory that produces “Slim Jim” meat-sticks.

Riddle me this… How would you be able to tell the difference between victims and exploded product?

The spicy taste?

Carry on.