Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, as promised, is glad to present for your reading pleasure the third and final installment of his little series “It is good to be the King.” In episode one, your Maximum Leader epistilized on why it is good to be Vladimir Putin. All that power. All those resources. And he is a stud.

In episode two, your Maximum Leader epistilized on why it is good to be Hu Jintao. Indeed, there are lots of reasons why it is good to be Hu Jintao. And you know, last night your Maximum Leader remembered another one. Hu is the only man in the world who has any sway at all over North Korean Leader Kim Jong-Il. This is not to say that he has lots of sway over Kim (who is pretty much an insane-I’ll-do-what-I-want-when-I-want type of dictator); but some sway is better than what the US and the rest of the world has. Which is to say that everyone else has bupkis. Nada. Rien. None.

So… Your Maximum Leader is pretty sure that you all are waiting with bated breath to know whom your Maximum Leader will choose as the A-number-one-top-of-the-heap guy to be in the world. To be honest, it was quite hard to choose just three world leaders sitting in their catbird seats. But, being even more honest, the big winner today was an easy pick. It was harder to narrow the field down to make a second and third choice. Yes, Hu and Putin were harder choices than today’s number one.

So… Who is it really really go to be in the world today?

Easy peasey lemon squeezey…

It is good to be Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Yup. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

The President of Iran is truly in the world’s catbird seat. Why? It should be painfully obvious. First off, he’s got oil. Lots and lots and lots of oil. And frankly, everyone in the world (except the US) wants it. Everyone in the world needs it, and is buying it from Iran and paying $70 a barrel to get it. So Ahmadinejad has that going for him.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad just got a group of surrogates to fight a war for him. Yup. Ahmadinejad just had Hezbollah fight a little war against Israel. He supplies the guns and rockets; they supply the crazy jihadists and the territry. Then guess what happens… Hezbollah fights the war… And pretty much wins. Sure you can quibble over the definition of winning. But your Maximum Leader will put things bluntly. When you attack Israel and have the Israelis come after you (with pretty much a free hand to do what they wanted) for a month and you are still standing; you can call that a win. With the success of his Hezbollah surrogates, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s stature in the Muslim world grows.

Ahmadinejad is in line Flynn with his Iranian Mullah bosses. This was the one weak point in this little essay in your Maximum Leader’s mind. Sure Ahmadinejad is a popularly elected (and popular) leader of his people. But we all know that the Mullahs are the final arbiters of what is going on in Iran. Of course, the Mullahs love Ahmadinejad. So he’s got that going for him.

And then there is the abiltiy to thumb his nose at the West and go “Neener, Neener” to the US, the UK, the EU, and the UN pretty much every day. What are they going to do? Ohhhhh watch out! The UN might sanction Iran. Really? Do you think for a second that Iranian oil will be sanctioned? So long as the oil flows and Iran has money; Iran can buy what it needs. They might pay a premium, but they can afford it.

You know, there are very few leaders in the world who can wake up every morning and announce that the Holocaust didn’t happen; that Israel needs to be destroyed; and that the US is the Great Satan - without reprecussions. Not only can he say what he wants, but soon he will have the first Islamofacist bomb.* Baby Jeebus wants peace on earth and goodwill towards men. Allah wants a nuke. And Allah wants Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to get it for him.

Sure there are pundits out there who say that George W. Bush will not leave office with Iran on the verge of crashing the nuclear club. Already there is talk of the US, UK, and Israel bombing the Iranian nuclear facilities out of existance. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t doubt that this line of thinking is going on in the halls of power. But your Maximum Leader doesn’t think that the US will do it. Too risky politically. This is that rock and a hard place situation. Forcibly stopping Iran from getting the bomb is too risky to attempt; and letting Iran get the bomb is too risky to let happen.

But you know… Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is, right now, playing all his cards right. He’s got wealth, power, and stature. Sure he doesn’t have good taste in clothes, and he walks with a slouch, and he can come off as a bit crazy… But he has a fan club out there. There are gagillions of good Muslim girls who would love to be Mrs. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and try and “fix” him. Clean him up some… Make him sound a little less crazy sometimes. Learn which fork is the salad fork and which one is the dessert fork… You know.. That type of stuff.

Yes, loyal minions. It is good to be Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Carry on.
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