Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader asks that you remember Richard III, King of England. He was killed in battle at Bosworth this day in 1485. He fought valiantly, if not triumphantly. He was the last Plantagenet to rule England. He was the last King of England to die in battle. And his death marks the generally accepted end of both the Wars of the Roses and the medieval period in England.

It is from Shakespeare’s play Richard III that the name of this site is taken. The important lines come in Act One, Scene III:

But then I sigh; and, with a piece of scripture,
Tell them that God bids us do good for evil:
And thus I clothe my naked villainy
With old odd ends stolen out of holy writ;
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil.

Richard is, in your Maximum Leader’s opinion, one of the most maligned kings in all history. Shakespeare’s play, while vastly entertaining, is far from an accurate portrayal of history and the man as we now know him.

Your Maximum Leader, out of habit, will republish the famous Rex Stout New York Times obituary for King Richard:

“PLANTAGENET — Richard, great king and true friend of the rights of man, died at Bosworth Field on August 22, 1485. Murdered by traitors and, dead, maligned by knaves and ignored by Laodiceans, he merits our devoted remembrance.”

For those of you interested in learning more about Richard you might try the following links: Battle of Bosworth from the Richard III foundation, The Richard III Society of the UK, another Bosworth site from the US Richard III Society and finally Wiki article on Richard III.

Carry on.

Memento Moron and I have a similar sense of humor. We both a family men, first and foremost. But we are poles apart politically.

Immigration is a good case in point. We hammered each other over the issue months ago.

(Self-congratulatory note to self: Bush and Congress did exactly what I predicted. Absolutely nothing of substance. Sure, we might have sent a few thousand guardsman to the border and generated a few headlines for the November election, but Congressmen are smart enough to know that illegal immigrants are good for the economy, regardless of what they tell their innumerate constituents during campaigns.)

For the record, I think Memento is misguided, not racist. Characterizing the opposition to illegals as boiling down to “brown people are icky” was too broad of a stroke in the same way as “liberals hate America” is too broad of astroke. A good proportion of both camps fit those stereotypes, but there are exceptions. Seriously, Brian, I consifder you to be one of those exceptions: I don’t think you are a racist. Can we bury the hatchet, please?

Having, one hopes, set aside the hard feelings resultant of my sloppy language (a proclivity reinforced by the hasty nature of the blogging medium), let’s return to misguided, shall we?

Brian writes:

a) San Bernadino County, CA, in response to jail overcrowding, has instituted a new program where sherriff’s deputies are trained to interview incoming inmates and screen for illegal immigrants and turn them over to the INS. Since the program was instituted, the county has interviewed 600 inmates, 500 of whom turned out to be Illegals.

b) The Center For Disease Control reports that juvenile hepatitis cases are far higher in the western and border states, which have higher illegal populations than the rest of the U.S.

I guess those two articles, and my decision to blog on them, proves that I, the San Bernadino County Sherriff, and the CDC are latent racists who think brown people are.. um, what’s the word? Oh, yeah, “Icky”.

Dealing with a) first. I guess Brian is still trying to fight the FBI. You see, when everyone was jabbering about the crime caused by illegals, I linked to the official government report by the FBI. Law enforcement data shows that illegal aliens are slightly less likely to commit crimes than native-born citizens. Control for socioeconomic level and the gap grows. There are a few hardened narco-trafficers, but there are also native-born narco-trafficers. Despite what law enforcement says, the answer from the anti-illegal side is “nuh-uh.” Others go back to the old canard: If they are willing to break one law, they will be automatically break another law. This belief conflicts with reality - the government’s own statistics show this. In addition, the “illegals are more lawless and will steal your car” types are also blind to their own hypocrisy. I would wager that the vast majority of our readers (yes, you!) have, at one time or another, committed a victimless crime. This does not make us all more likely to commit armed robbery. The Minister of Propaganda, for instance, has violated 43 states’ restrictions on extra-marital hanky-panky. Yet he has not, to my knowledge, been knocking over liquor stores in his spare time. Absolutists who demand law enforcement and harsh punishment for every violation of law - “down with illegal border crossers for illegally crossing the borders” have yet to explain their plan for prosecuting the Minister of Propaganda’s sluttishness. Or, for that matter, prosecuting Polymath and my “experimentation” with alternative fuels.

Memento Moron, who refuses to accept the validity of the government statistics, gives us the San Bernadino Sheriff’s department screening process in order to refute it. His response - using a weak piece of datum to reinforce his own (erroneous) belief in the lawlessness of illegals reminds me of a quote I heard from Joel Salatin this weekend:

“Science can never convince. We only believe science when it agrees with our heart.”

True words.

But let me try one more time to lift the veil from Memento’s eyes. (I know that it is pointless, but hell, I’m a teacher. As a teacher you have to set aside cynical experience and opt for naive optimism on a daily basis.)

When the San Bernadino policemen, trained officers of the law, suspect someone is an illegal alien, they check to see if they are. Surprise, surprise, 500 of 600 suspected illegals are indeed illegal. Is this the whole sample of criminals? Do you think that they ran Bubba the uber-redneck through the screening process? What about Tyrone the stereotypical gang-banger?

In fact, I’d like to see the San Bernadino do a screenin for membership in black gangs. If they suspect someone of belonging to a black gang, they should check it out. If they do belong to a black gang, then that will prove, government statistics be damned, that black people are responsible for all crime in the United States.

We should also do a screening for white supremicist gangs. If someone is arrested with a swastika tatooed on their forehead, we should do a screening for membership in white supremacy groups. If it turns out that most do belong to the Aryan nations, then it will prove that all honkies are racist.

As for part “b,” I’m gobsmacked that Memento would even bring this weak crap.

Correlation, my friend, does not imply causation.

Click through that Wikipedia article. It is hi-larious.

Samples:

Ice-cream sales are strongly (and robustly) correlated with crime rates.
Therefore, higher ice-cream sales cause crime.

or:

Homer: Not a bear in sight. The “Bear Patrol” is working like a charm!

Lisa: That’s specious reasoning, Dad.

Homer: [uncomprehendingly] Thanks, honey.

Lisa: By your logic, I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.

Homer: Hmm. How does it work?

Lisa: It doesn’t work. (pause) It’s just a stupid rock!

Homer: Uh-huh.

Lisa: But I don’t see any tigers around, do you?

Homer: (pause) Lisa, I want to buy your rock.

Didja miss me?

Anyone have a stick of gum?

When Geeks Marry Non-Geeks

Mrs. Smallholder, while a fine, fine woman (some would call her a saint), doesn’t “get” Monty Python.

Or Bruce Campbell.

Or “Big Trouble In Little China.”

This is why I continue to associate with the Maximum Leader, Minister of Propaganda, Foreign Minister, and even Polymath. They may be as wrong as wrong can be about politics, but at least they laugh at my clever asides.

Heh. If those links don’t force the Maximum Leader to fix the comments, I don’t know what will.

Update from Mrs. Smallholder: Clever? Bah.

The Big Ho knows how to incorporate Shakespeare into everyday life.

Now that the Maximum Leader has removed comments, I can safely post this vignette without the risk of all of our female readers begging me to violate the Seventh Commandment. While the Maximum Leaders is correct that out friends Ally and Sadie are indeed lovely and sexy, their swooning over my manure-spattered boots has grown a bit tiresome. I personally don’t mind so much when Sadie stalks me from afar, her ontiued presence in the barn loft makes Mrs. Smallholder uncomfortable.

At any rate, since I can now relate this story without triggering a flood of love letters in our comments, here ’tis:

At a play group this summer (I should stop calling it baby group), one of the mothers was describing how she and her husband were taking a couple-only vacation to celebrate their anniversary. The in-laws were going to watch the kids and they were going to spend a week at the Homestead Resort. Many of the moms swooned over the idea of a brief liberation from child-rearing and living in the lap of luxury for seven days. Homestead mom basked in the approval of her peers, confident that no one else would be able to top her romantic getaway.

She of course, did not know who she was dealing with.

Mrs. Smallholder cleared her voice and spoke.

“Seven days at a resort? My husband is taking me on a tour of grazing dairies and we are spending the night at the Knight’s Inn in Galax, Virginia. Two whole days of looking at cows and grass and a night at Motel Six’s discount competitor.”

You should have seen all the moms swoon. I could only humbly reply, “Sorry ladies, this one’s taken.”

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wanted to let you all know that he’s turned off the comments on this blog for an indetermined period. They appear to be causing some problem with his hosting service. So, at least for the time being, comments are gone. They might return.

So, you’ll just have to read the posts and if you have the urge to comment you can send an e-mail to your Maximum Leader (or Smallholder).

Carry on.

Sadie reveals what the Maximum Leader and Elmo have in common.

Super Seekrit Note to Sadie: Has anyone mentioned that your humble Smallholder is the spitting image of Jon Stewart? Or that the Minister of Propaganda has more than a passing resemblence to K-Fed?

David Hasselhoff: Jedi Knight

Imagine if Mrs. Smallholder and I had returned early from dinner and found the baconnabbers hard at work. Imagine they wouldn’t have killed an enraged Smallholder as he charges them with a trailer hitch. Imagine Smallholder manages to connect with said hitch and splatters baconnabber brains all over the driveway.

The cops come. At first they are willing to accept that Smallholder acted in self-defense. Until they get an anonymous tip about an obscure blog called “Naked Villainy” and a “100 below” essay included therein.

Do you think this might have been a problem?

UPDATE:

Wav files from Sweet Seasons Farm here, here, and here.

I can’t arrive at a position about Starchild Abraham Cherrix.

He is a sixteen year old with Hodgkins cancer. He went through a round of chemotherapy which was debilitating. The chemo gave him a temporary reprieve but the cancer has returned. Even with aggressive treatment, recurring Hodgkins has a less than 50% survival rate. Things look grim. Rather than go through the hell of another round of chemotherapy, he decided to try an alternative medicine treatment that is largely diet-based. His parents have supported this choice and Accomack county has stepped in. They claim that the parents are negligent to allow the boy to refuse another round of treatment. A court case ensued in which social services tried to force the lad to undergo chemotherapy. Yesterday, a judge allowed Cherrix to continue down the path of his choice.

On one hand, I am a strong supporter of an individual’s right to make choices about his or her life. A woman at my church has decided to stop chemotherapy because the odds were grim even with the chemo and she didn’t want to spend her last months nauseated. My grandmother did the same thing. When the doctors discovered a grapefruit sized tumor in her uterus, the 90 year old thanked them and then went home to die on her own terms. I think I would do the same if I was 90 and the kids were grown. Right now, I’d fight on with even a 1% chance of survival because I have an obligation to my children - being there.

The problem with being a supporter of individual rights is that the kid is a minor. He is 16 and seems thoughtful and well-spoken in the coverage I have seen. 18 is an arbitrary cut-off, but it is the cut-off for adulthood that we usually accept.

I also support a parent or next-of-kin’s right to make medical decisions when the person can’t make a decision for themselves. If we assume that Abraham can’t make decisions as a minor, then my default position would be to accept the parent’s decision. I certainly don’t think that a bureaucrat ought to step in and decide. Longtime readers of this blog will remember the Schiavo case and my abhorrence of government meddling. Of course, unlike Abraham, Terri was already dead. Abraham has a certain percentage chance of living if he takes the chemo.

While respecting parental rights, I do think the state has a right to step in - in narrow circumstances. A six-year old from a Christian Science family with a ruptured appendix ought not to die because we defer to his parent’s religious convictions. A couple of years ago, a local Pentacostal preacher was bitten by a rattlesnake while snake-handling in the pulpit. Rather than rush him to the hospital, the congregation prayed with him for a cure until he died. Now, as an adult I’ll respect his right to refuse treatment. But if the rattler had jumped out of the pulpit and bit a three year old who then died because her parents sat around and prayer for divine intervention, I’d charge the parents with negligent homicide. Imagine a five year old Jehovah’s Witness who could be saved by a simple blood transfusion refused by his parents.

These things aren’t black and white - life is a grey-scale continuum. I’ll confess that Abraham, with his relatively advanced age pushes toward the white side (allowing him and his parents to make their own decision). The fact that he might have an almost even chance of survival with chemo pushes us towards the black (state intervention). The fact that it would be a societal problem if we encourage the development of a second-guessing nanny state (Bill Frist nonwithstanding) pushes us back toward the white - not out of consideration of Abraham’s interests but to protect us all from interventionist politicians.

One thing that does make me lean towards te black is that their alternative treatment is just plain hokey. I may be a redneck agrarian with no medical knowledge, but I suspect that abstaining from sugar ain’t gonna stop the cancer cells. Although I think their choice is, well, dumb, it is their choice - but I contradict myself once again - wasn’t I just willing to override the choices of Christian Scientists, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and Snake-Handlers?

So I give up.

Count me as indecisive and squishy.

What do the loyal minions think? Should the judge have forced Abraham to get chemo?

Joel Achenbach has a very sweet obituary of actor Bruno Kirby in today’s Washington Post. Beyond being an amusing actor, he sounds like he was a good man.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t really endorse organizations on his blog. But there are, if you look down his right side nav bar under “Villain Approved Sites” you will see a few companies or groups that your Maximum Leader feels strongly enough about to link on his blog.

Of those companies or groups there are a few he actually donates to. Yes… Your Maximum Leader makes charitable contributions. (Egad!) Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure that belonging to the NRA constitutes making a contribution to a group. (He thinks this because he receives benefits of being a member of the NRA.)

But one organization from which your Maximum Leader does not recieve a tangible benefit, but he wholly supports is The Institute for Justice.

IJ is an independent, libertarian public interest law-firm. They were key players in a number of Supreme Court Cases last year. Not the least well-known of which was Kelo v New London, CT. Alas, they lost that one. But one hopes that the vast public outcry over the Kelo case is changing how eminent domain works in our nation.

If you have some extra cash, and you believe in supporting people trying to overturn often insane (or just inane) government regulations through use of the courts, you should consider donating to The Institute for Justice (or the Castle Coalition).

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been off mourning today. Yes… The black jumpsuit was out of the closet and worn in honor of the passing of The King.

On this day, in 1977, Elvis Aron Presley, The King of Rock and Roll, departed this world. He was the victim of his own excesses. Many think that with a “mafia” of adherents and hangers-on, someone should have tried to save Elvis. But really, how do you save a 42 year old man from himself?

Your Maximum Leader loves Elvis for so many different reasons. The cultural change that his popularity in the 1950’s ushered in has been both a boon and a bane for our nation (and one could argue - by extension - the West). Your Maximum Leader loves the groundbreaking music he recorded. (Music which, by the way, your Maximum Leader can listen to with his children without worrying about bad language.) Your Maximum Leader, in a way filled with pathos, even likes the overindulgent 70’s Elvis. Once could try and find analogies between Elvis and our national self image. But your Maximum Leader will lay off that for today.

Today, your Maximum Leader will lift a glass in memory of The King. And, he suspects, somewhere in Toronto, Skippy will celebrate in his own way…

Carry on.

For the Maximum Leader and the Foreign Minister.

Plus, this guy lives in my neck of the woods.

In another post, he describes himself as a “Iam a Bullmoose, Teddy Roosevelt conservationist.”

Is it just me or is the incorporation of instant messaging into standard English a sign of the approaching apocalypse?

It’s just me?

Ok. Never mind then.

But if you do want to laugh out loud, I offer you this gem from Agent Bedhead:

“Jessica Alba is everything Paris Hilton is not: poised, gracious, publicly well behaved and physically attractive. (Okay, they’re both ot-nay oo-tay ight-bray, if you know what I mean. But Jessica is adorably dumb, like a cocker spaniel puppy, while Paris is more like that tick-infested possum that keeps rooting around in my garbage cans.)”