I would have thought the Ministers here at Naked Villainy would have wanted to re-start the Men’s/Diva’s topic discussions with a bang and have one of the others start us off, but alas, I have drawn the short straw and have to get the ball rolling for the team.
The first topic for discussion is rolled up in the ball of wax called “Emotional Men”. Specifically, how emotional do women want us to be? - Why don’t we share our feelings? - If we show emotion, are we really being strong men? - Do women really want the strong silent type?-
(NOTE: Its hard for me to lump married and unmarried folks together, and life is sooo much more different when you are getting “the milk for free,” that I am going to drop that and just talk about how all this hoo-ha relates to marriage. For those of you not married and are bored already, now is the time to start surfing for porn.)
Whew.
The simple answer to all of that emotional gobblety-gook is that we, as men, are screwed.
The thing is, if a women deep down really wants an open emotional partner that expresses concerns and affection freely and openly, I am willing to bet that she has probably married someone who doesn’t say a freakin’ word about anything.
This is a conditioned response that probably started with the relationship we had with our mothers. We have learned (actually, we have been taught) that the more we say the more trouble we get in. If we open up, what we might have said gets us in trouble because it probably wasn’t the “right” thing, and if we don’t say anything, we get in trouble for not doing our “share” in the relationship. We men have been in the game long enough to know that the trouble you get in for not sayin’ nothing is less than it would have been had we actually said anything.
Why?
Because a woman’s need to Bitch about something far outweighs her need for open and honest communication. In my own little psychological experimentation lab (also known as marriage), I have tested this theory numerous times. The results are always the same.
More communication and emotional expression on the man’s side = the deeper “in shit” that he will be when the “discussion” is over.
By the way, “discussion” in a marriage is a misnomer. It’s really more of a lecture. Oh sure, from time to time I will get in a “yeah, but…” or a “Honey I…” but most of the time, I don’t.
What’s worse, though, is when the woman “stops” talking and gives you the look that says “ok what do you have to say for yourself?” In her brain she “thinks” she has asked you a question. What she doesn’t realize though, is that she has actually just strung together about 23 statements, and has stopped long enough to think about more ammunition to shoot at you.
But I just sit there and keep quite because I know no mater what I say next, its going to be the wrong thing. If I make a remark that could be interpreted as an agreement, then I am screwed. But if I make a remark that in somehow refutes any of those 23 statements, I am screwed too.
And its not like there is “make up and be friends again” sex at the end of all this. That might have happened in the early days of dating, or while in that first year of marriage but she and I both know that there is NOTHING that I can do or say that is going to put any moisture in the oyster.
As a matter of fact, that is my new stance on sex and discussion in the relationship. When my wife says to me now that “we need to talk about _____ !” I immediately say, “I am too tired to talk about ______.” I don’t care if I just woke up after 19 hours of uninterrupted sleep (which never happens now anyway with 2 kids), I say “I am too tired to discuss it.”
I figure hey, if she can be too tired for sex, I can be too tired to discuss. And if you women don’t think fuckin’ is as important as discussin’, lady you got a lot to learn about men.
The only time you see a married man who is open and honest about his feelings is when its in the script.
Seeing all those emotional men on tv and at the movies must really warp women’s brains brains about how men really are… Kind of like Cosmo warps their brains about what they should look like.
That, of course, is another topic altogether.
For other Men’s Club postings today check out: Phin, Down for Repairs, Project Bowl and Jamesyboy. For the delightfully feminine side of this topic try out: Fist Full of Fortnights, Cake Eater Chronicles, Just Breathe, and Villains Vanquished.
Back to the Trenches
