Okay, a little late, I know, but I finally saw Star Wars III last night.

Spoiler alert: It sucked.

Everyone reviewing this movie has been brainwashed by the magic of low expectations. “Better than the first two” is not a ringing endorsement, particularly when the first two were the lowest pieces of sequel crap foisted upon an eager public since ‘Highlander: The Quickening.” Nevermind the dialogue, which of course is bad. The action sequences and overall plot don’t make a lick of sense.

Sure, everything is left “just right” for the real Star Wars, “A New Hope” — but where’s the challenge in that? George Lucas probably stuck episode IV in the DVD player and took notes. And while every other transition suggests a great deal of action and plot development between movies, everything between episodes III and IV is set up and left in the freezer, nevermind that it’s at least 16 years between the two movies. I wanted to cry seeing how eager Lucas was to zip the movies up so tight. Is it really necessary for us to melt the Emperor’s face so he looks now the way he’s going to look in ‘Return of the Jedi?’ C’mon now!

Additionally, I just don’t believe a single element of the transition. Obi Wan drops Luke off and just disappears into the desert? Yoda, the greatest fighter and leader the Jedi’s have ever known, goes into hiding for almost two decades on the off-chance that this little kid, abandoned on a desert planet, is going to come around again and save everyone? What a couple of assholes.

And Chewbacca? WTF?!! Why is he even in this movie? I’m surprised Luke and Han weren’t playmates in the nursery.

George Lucas may be rich, but his movies suck. I told better stories with my action figures when I was ten. Seriously.

Believe.

I’ve posted my birthday tribute to Mike the Maximum Leader over on my blog (see here), but instead of re-posting the raunchy, not-work-safe photo here, I’ll simply wish the old boy a happy 36th birthday and let him get back to plucking his pubes.

My minions love me… (ploink)
They love me not… (ploink)

_

Summer time, summer time, sum, sum summertime.

I have to admit that I have grown accustomed to the General European attitude to women’s beach wear. Most ‘beaches’ in Europe are topless, and that is just fine by me.

For women, it might be more of a question of how you wear it, instead of what it is. One piece, two piece, thong, whatever, it does not matter what it is, as long as the style is flattering to your body shape.

That is a problem for most women as they will probably say that they dislike their body shape. What most women do not know is that, regardless of what ’shape’ they are, there is probably someone out there that is checking them out and likes what he sees.

I was with a group of women at wine festival a few nights ago and this topic came up. It started with one girl in our group (5 women 2 men) making a comment about a German girl walking by. The discussion devolved into a feeding frenzy of critique amongst all the girls in our group. The other guy and I just sort of stood there puzzled for a while without saying anything. After a few minutes, the girls asked for our opinion of the female in question. My friend Steve said, ‘I thought she was cute’. Then the eyes turn to me and waited for my evaluation.

‘Shit’, I said, draining my glass, ‘I would drink her bathwater!’

The debate ensued with a fevered pitch.

‘Her thighs are huge’

‘That is not her real hair color’

‘Her boobs are shaped funny’

‘She is too. . ..’

It went on and on and I finally said, ‘Ok, lets try this. You pick a girl that you think that Steve and I SHOULD think is hot, and we will pick a guy that we think you would like’.

This turned out to be very interesting because, each side was searching for what was perceived to be the ‘ideal’ type. What it really showed was more of what we were self conscious about with our own bodies.

The result was that the women chose for us, tall, slim blondes with big hooters. We chose for them dark haired, tall and muscular looking men.

To make it more interesting, we then took turns in picking out who we thought was the hottest of the opposite sex that we could see from our vantage point (A very large festival tent with about 800 folks drinking and dancing in it).

While both groups ‘liked’ what the other group had chosen for them, the individual choices were drastically different that those chosen by the opposite group. Steve chose a dish water blonde of medium height with fantastic legs. I chose a tall, pale, red-head, that smiled and laughed a lot.

The girls were surprised that neither of our choices had big boobs. I explained to them that some guys are boob men, some are leg men, and some are ass men. And with a world as big as this, there were guys that liked just about everything under the sun.

‘You do not believe me? I challenged, ‘just Google ‘naked chicks’ and see for yourself’.

So for me, I much prefer what is in the swimwear than the garment itself. I just wish that the women that do go down to the beach would be self confident enough to wear what they want to wear and quite trying to hide their shapes behind towels and ‘beach wraps’ so that they can enjoy being there. While I hope that this is a little as possible, at the beach, anything goes.

Check out the other members of the Men’s Club: Puffy, the Wizard, and Phin. Or if you would like the ladies’ take on this subject, check out the Divas: Chrissy , Sadie , Kathy and Silk .

back to the trenches

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader got an earful last night. He had spent the whole day with a sick Villainette, but that wasn’t going to stop Mrs. Villain for laying into your Maximum Leader upon learning the outcome of the Michael Jackson Trial.

You see, this is how it works at the Villainschloss. When a “high profile” trial concludes without a conviction of a “high profile defendant,” Mrs. Villain declares that the jury were a bunch of idiots and “can’t they see what he did?”

This is, of course, all your Maximum Leader’s fault. Your Maximum Leader plays into this by almost always saying something to the effect of, “Honey, we don’t know what the jury was thinking. We didn’t listen to the whole of the evidence presented. We don’t know that the news gave us the whole story. The jurors are probably doing the right thing anyway. If there is ANY REASONABLE DOUBT at all they must acquit.”

Well… That is never the answer Mrs. Villain wants to hear. Last night your Maximum Leader was accused of “protecting a freak who goes down on little boys.”

What can you say to counter that except, “Honey, I don’t think anyone presented evidence of Michael Jackson giving a little boy a blow job…”

Then 15 minutes of debate on Michael Jackson performing fellatio on little boys ensued.

It was mighty fun at the Villainschloss last night. Can’t you tell?

Excursus: And after all that, your Maximum Leader got thrown up on! A fun mixture of rice, bananas, a little toast and stomach acid!

Your Maximum Leader is generally willing to give the benefit of thedoubt to the jury. In this case it seems that the jurors felt he was guilty of something. But it is not the job of the jury to convict because “something” was done wrong. It is the job of the jury to convict if they are positive that the crimes detailed in the indictment in this case wer committed. If they aren’t 99% sure, then they acquit. Frankly, that is the system your Maximum Leader supports. (Except in the Mike World Order, which is another story…)

The Jackson camp is now saying that Michael will “change” and that he will not have little boys in bed. They say he will focus on rebuilding.

That is all fine and good. But if Michael Jackson is a pedophile, and your Maximum Leader is convinced he is, he will open himself up to more charges in the future. Because he cannot change his nature.

Carry on.

It’s June 14, which gives all loyal minions only a single day to craft or purchase or slaughter their tributes for the Maximum Leader, who enjoys a glorious birthday on June 15.

Send him scads of porn. No, wait– he gets plenty of spam to that effect as it is… as do we all, and gloriously so. So if you’re a female blogger, send him a flash of your skin. I’m sure his wife will love that.

Write your Maximum Leader a poem*. Preferably one about the continued abasement of dwarves.

Send him some homemade cookies. He and his Villainous Family will dig those.

Send him a link to something so-veddy-British. I doubt he’ll be able to resist posting the link, along with a Maximum Leaderly acknowledgement of the sender (unless, of course, the sender is a dwarf).

Send him excerpts from Democratic Underground. They’re bound to make him laugh. Or send him an actual Democrat. Especially if the Dem is a dwarf. I hear the Maximum Leader has a special truncheon reserved for that species.

But whatever you do, do it fast. People who fail to provide tribute on the 15th will, of course, be summarily executed. Have a nice day.

*Annika– Wednesday is Poetry Day!

_

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader hasn’t had time to blog. It seems that a nasty virus has struck Villainette #1. And your Maximum Leader has done the fatherly thing and is tending to her in her time of need. Last night that consisted of sleeping on a rather large (and fairly luxurious) sofa with Villainette #1. Now, from time to time your Maximum Leader has actually slept on the sofa in question. (No giggling! It has mostly been a result of staying up late to watch tv and being too lazy to walk to bed.) But in the end, that sofa is not nearly as comfy as his extra firm king-sized bed. And it is made less comfy by a 7 year old moaning, thrashing, and waking up every 45 minutes to check to make sure you’re still thre.

Anyho…

You might remember that your Maximum Leader wrote last week about how he smelled a rat in the story of the Los Alamos whistleblower being beaten up at a strip club. Don’t remember? Check it out.

Well, your Maximum Leader’s narrative was, in fact, closer to the truth than some minions thought… Read all about it: Cops Debunk Whistleblower Beating

Another sign of your Maximum Leader’s penetrating insight…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader remembers hearing in school (and during visits to the National Zoo in DC growing up) that “the Amazon jungles are the ‘lungs’ of the world.” As he remembered it, some extraordinary amount of clean air was created by the jungles of the Amazon.

Of course, if the Amazon were the “lungs” of the earth, then clear-cutting the Amazon jungles for farming and development was a bad thing.

Now, your Maximum Leader is not going to take this space to argue about how exactly could one both preserve the Amazon jungle AND provide Brazilians (and other South Americans) with the means to develop their economy and raisethemselves out of poverty. But he will entreat you to think about that on your own.

Excursus: Once, in graduate school, your Maximum Leader was in fact discussing with a friend how it seemed a little unreasonable that Americans should want Brazilians to not clear-cut the jungle and thereby stay poor for our benefit. In the course of discussing that very point your Maximum Leader’s friend, who was/is a hard-core liberal Democratic trade-unionist from New York City, said in a moment of complete candor, “Fuck the Brazilians. I want my clean air. I don’t care if they’re poor. They shouldn’t cut down the rainforests.” There you have it…

Anyho…

According to the LA Times, Rain Forest Myth Goes Up in Smoke Over the Amazon. In the article many informed people are quoted as saying that Brazil is now one of the biggest producers of greenhouse gases. Brazil emits more carbon dioxide than Canada and Italy.

Now up to this point you are probably thinking, “So where is my Maximum Leader going with this?” Well, loyal minions, here is where he is going with it.

A very interesting passage of the article (on page two where you are less likely to see it) reads:

However, under the international environmental treaty known as the Kyoto Protocol, Brazil and other poor countries are not required to reduce their emissions of greenhouse gases. Nor does the accord contain financial incentives to encourage nations such as Brazil and Indonesia to rein in the destruction of their tropical forests.

“This is a very sensitive issue in Brazil and among developing countries,” said Paulo Moutinho, research coordinator for the Amazon Institute of Environmental Studies. “If you want to include developing countries, especially countries with large areas of tropical forests, in some kind of mechanism to mitigate climate change, you need to compensate deforestation reduction.”

Hummm. Could this actually be a sign that the Kyoto Protocol was a generally bad agreement? Your Maximum Leader seems to remember the Bush Administration being raked over the coals for refusing to approve the Kyoto Protocols because of massive loopholes like the one that doesn’t require countries like Brazil (or China, or India) to disclose emissions. And then there is the other issue of compensation. If Western Nations don’t want the jungles cleared, then it stands to reason that they ought to be willing to compensate the nations that own that jungle not to develop the jungle as farmland or industrial tracts.

Personally, your Maximum Leader has always thought that if one is able to seriously plan development in a nation like Brazil (a rather improbable proposition from which to begin); then one could minimize the ecological impact of development. Of course up to this point Brazil hasn’t shown the inclination to minimize ecological impact of their development…

Anyway… There it is.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was perusing other blogs last night and meant to comment on this post at Eric’s site.

Your Maximum Leader loves the bumper sticker:

Knowledge is power.
Power corrupts.
Study hard.
Be evil.

Would it be too much to make a little syllogism out of that? Like this:

If you study hard you’ll gain knowledge.
Knowledge is power.
Power corrupts.
Corruption thru power makes you evil.
If you study hard, you’ll be evil.

The bloggers of Naked Villainy studied hard.
Thus the bloggers of Naked Villainy are quite knowledgeable.
Thus the bloggers of Naked Villainy are powerful.
Thus the bloggers of Naked Villainy are evil.
QED

Okay… Maybe that is a little too geeky. But really, when has being geeky ever really stopped your Maximum Leader from posting anything…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader looks over at Dr. Rusty and smiles… He’s got lots of traffic. He has BlogAds. And now “the Media” is quoting him.

Really. See: The Jawa Report: BIG Media FINALLY Givin’ Me R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Congrats Rusty.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that at the World Robot Association meeting in Nagakute, Japan, there are robots that can dance, make candy, and hit 100 mph fastballs. With these advances it is only a matter of time before we get Cylons coming to destroy us.

Or seduce us… As the case may be.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was riveted to his large screen high def TV last night watching the final game of the Womens College World Series. And in case you missed it, Michigan won WCWS pennant.

As your Maximum Leader blogged the other day, it was a thrilling series. And you may have noticed Phin’s Softball blog as well. In which Phin regaled us with the glories of women’s athletics. Of which there are many.

He hopes that with two recommendations you might have watched the game. It was great. It went into extra innings and won with a 3 run homer by a Freshman player, Samantha Findlay of Michigan. It was a wonderful thing to watch.

Many congratulations to the women of Michigan. You played wonderfully and deserve the trophy.

Now go and par-tay some.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is quite busy today. And as much as he would like to comment on this very thoughtful post from Buckethead at The Ministry of Minor Perfidy, he cannot right now.

Let it suffice to say that your Maximum Leader (who agrees that Battleships are sexy but completely out of place in today’s theatre of operations) generally agrees with Buckethead on this one. (Which makes two in a row. First Frank Lloyd Wright. Now the future of our Navy.)

Your Maximum Leader isn’t quite sure he’s in full agreement with the rapidity of how quickly the Carrier will become obsolete. Perhaps with improvements in naval aviation and specilization of support ships the age of the Carrier can continue for decades more. But the truth is that the Carrier’s reign as queen of the seas is fading. The thought of Carriers having a useful lifespan of 50+ years (like B-52s for example) is unlikely.

The idea of space based military systems is one that must be seriously examined now for deployment in the future. (But we probably want to worry about the development of killer robots. Well almost all killer robots. There might be one or two that are acceptable…)

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, as faithful minions know, is a big Elvis fan. So imagine his interest in this item on the news wire: Elvis-A-Rama museum casts worldwide net for impersonators of the King.

What a gig! If you are an “E” fan/impersonator, you ought to head on out to Vegas and try out.

Carry on.

Aww, look what I got! Thanks for the link, Sadie!

If you click on him, he runs on the wheel. Isn’t he cute? I’m so happy now.

Believe.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader just read over Anne Applebaum’s commentary entitled: Amnesty’s Amnesia

Very good piece. Your Maximum Leader has seen other editorials and blogs about Amnesty’s use of the term “gulag” to describe our detention facility at Guantanamo. In so far as your Maximum Leader is concerned, this is just another example of an international organization becoming more anti-American over time.

It wasn’t but a few years ago when Amnesty was writing about our barbaric prison system and our institutional methods of torturing prisoners. Methods of torture (and abuse) included, according to Amnesty: “…beatings and excessive force; sexual misconduct; the misuse of electro-shock weapons and chemical sprays; and the cruel use of mechanical restraints, including holding prisoners for prolonged periods in four-point restraint as punishment. Many reported abuses took place in isolation units or during forced removal of prisoners from cells (”cell extractions”).” And that was during the Clinton Administration!

Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure precisely how Anmesty would like a prison to be run. Or even if Amnesty thinks there should be prisons. But sometimes the criminal element needs to be handled roughly…

Carry on.