This May Be Wrong

Does anyone else find the cartoons on Annika’s site hot?

The santa girl is cute, but not as cute as some of the previous icons, like the girl who took offense at Helen Hunt’s outspokenness.

Tell me I’m not the only one.

Update: More Annika cartoons here.

Apologizing to Cows

Via the Lovely Annika: Apologize to a cow.

Her timing is perfect, since I just delivered meat to my customers on Saturday. Hopefully the Maximum Leader will see fit to comment on his humanely raised, grass-fed, hormone and anti-biotic free beef.

Cedar Trees

I am going to take a bold stand here and advocate arborcide.

Cedar trees ought to be extinct.

When you drive down the road and see a pasture with a crop of cedar trees, it is like a big neon sign saying “this farmer does not take care of his pasture.”

Cedar trees harbor ticks.

Cedar trees grow up in fence lines.

Cedar trees make poor firewood.

Cedar trees are an alternate host for apple cedar rust.

The only use of a cedar tree is too teach young people to develop a work ethic. You give them a maul, a bucket, and send them out to tackle the seedlings.

Join the anti-cedar crusade now.

Evolution

Ally has argued in defense of intelligent design.

I disagree, but that is a post for a more reflective day.

Until then, I give you a great site discussing the constitutional issues around the teaching of evolution in the classroom.

Carry on.

UPDATE: Bill Keezer correctly points out my need to clarify the wording above; Ally has argued for the teaching of intelligent design. He also notes that he has had a discussion with another blogger about this topic. I’ll have to catch up on my reading.

A Response!

The BigHo replies to my moralistic soapbox poem:

M,

Ah, you think like a Westerner– contracts are actually important to you.

Yeah, if I were in the States, I’d agree with you. We could actually talk about”principle.” But here, where the bosses don’t really give a shit what thecontract says, all’s fair in love and war. You keep your dignity in whateverway you can. I’m probably going to lose mine after tomorrow.

As for your sympathy for my boss– don’t worry: she needs none. The woman’s asneaky little bitch, using the receptionists as spies, laying guilt trips onKorean and expat teachers to get them to do her bidding, issuing random threatsabout firing Korean teachers– even writing up a TWO-PAGE-LONG list ofcomplaints about one of the expat teachers, a newbie named Valery, who in myopinion is trying her best & didn’t deserve such shitty treatment (she’s onlybeen in Korea for six months). If my boss were to get canned for failing tomanage me, that’d be icing on the cake.

Part of what allows me (or any expat here, for that matter) to think and act soextravagantly is that being fired isn’t a tragedy. There’s no black mark onyour permanent record– all hagwon (language institute) jobs are shady to somedegree or other. In all likelihood, you’ve been fired for unfair reasons.That’s typical of many expats in Korea. Foreigners who toe the line to theKorean bosses’ satisfaction almost never receive extra perks for their goodbehavior (or the perks are insultingly minimal). If anything, they’re screwedharder, because they’ve proven they can be used. It doesn’t pay to be a goodlittle soldier in a Korean business.

In such a poisonous environment, idealistic talk about upholding a contractmeans little.

I loved the poem all the same, but thought I should inform you of the uglyrealities here.

BTW, as I blogged beore, my brother already gave me the “stick to the contract”lecture. Heh. Yeah, in a perfect world…

Kevin

Extemporaneous Blogging

When I was in Civil Air Patrol…

Shut up! I was not a geek!

When I was in Civil Air Patrol, we did an activity called extemporaneous speaking. You drew a topic out of a hat, prepared for two minutes, then delivered a five minute speech.

I once had to do “corrugated tin.”

I am going to need help if I am going to find enough topics to meet the goal of 48 posts in 24 hours. Send your extemporaneous topic to smallholder@nakedvillainy.com. When I check my email, I will make a post within two minutes.

Fetishizing Nature

Does anyone know any PETA supporters or dogmatic proponents of animal rights who have actually had to survive by the sweat of their brows?

Analphilosopher claims to have been surrounded by agriculture as a child, but  get the impression that his was a hobby farm rather than a smallholding.

I wonder how much actual nature the “don’t hunt the deer” crowd has actually experienced. The absolutists seem to have no idea that choosing not to hunt the deer in the absence of natural predators does not restore natural balance. Not hunting is crueler than hunting - leading to starving, disease-ridden herds. Additionally, deer tend to reduce the prosperity of other species and eliminate forest biodiversity as they overgraze favored plants. Saving deer from hunting reduces the kills other animals by detroying their habitats.

But, claim the moralists, we won’t be the DIRECT killers.

We shouldn’t have disturbed the environment -> Stop hunting deer -> If the deer destroy the remaining environment, it is not our moral concern.

I wonder if they would also agree with:

We shouldn’t have invade Iraq -> Stop fighting the insurgency and withdraw -> If the people of Iraq fall into the hands of a brutal Shitte thugo-theocracy, it is not our moral concern.

Apples and oranges, I know.

Shut up! You try doing 48 posts in 24 hours.

Speaking of Transcendentalism

The best ever smackdown of Thoreau can be found in either Michael Pollan’s Second Nature.

He has a whole chapter on Walden Pond and discusses how those who fetishize nature don’t really realize that letting things remain “natural” is no longer an option. The world has been so changed that no truly “native” plantings can survive without human intervention. The best part of the essay challenged Thoreau’s smug contemplation of his superiority in letting his beanfield be destroyed by “natural” weeds. The weeds, you see, were man-introduced as well. Plus, Pollan points out, it is a lot easier to be sanguine about the failure of your crops when you don’t rely on those crops for your very survival.

Speaking of Herman Hesse

Was it just me, or was the collective unconscious a load of horse crap?

I mean, come on!

The whole transcendentalist inner-light tradition annoys me.

Speaking of The Celibate

Wouldn’t it just suck if our old girlfriends got blogs?

Ex-Smallholder Girl:
“And then he tried to go out with me and my friend in the same evening! The Cad! Well, at least he wasn’t inadequate like the Minister of Propaganda”

Ex-Maximum Leader Girl:
“Mike was hitting on me?”

Ex-Minister of Propaganda Girl:
“I am, like, so tired of all these girls trying to get to my man just so they can get into a movie. They are, like, so shallow. I wonder when Rob will get home? My agent says there will be a bit part in his movie…”

Ex-Foreign Minister Girl:
“Greg is such a stud, but I wonder about his friends. Mark dances with his hands over his head and Mike keeps chatting with strange men he meets in the club.”

Prolix Smallholder

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader will take a guess that the Smallholder either received his new home PC and is playing; or he has traveled to visit relatives who have a good PC and a high-speed internet connection.

Just a guess.

Carry on.

Male Agendas

Ally, the always insightful doyenne of Who Moved My Truth, points out that men and women think differently.

I agree.

Ladies, when you are analyzing the actions of your man, you are probably reading waaaaaay to much into things, kind of like Mr. Crowder did with Herman Hesse in tenth-grade English.

The Celibate likes to try to figure out what her dates are thinking.

Answer: Not much.

Would you like an illustration of this principle from Smallholder’s dating history?

Of course you would.

Freshman year of college. I had kept in contact with a couple casual girlfriends from high-school. I mean casual in that we were friends who occasionally kissed. No baggage or anything. In fact, one of the girls was also casually seeing my best friend - the currently MIA Minister of Propaganda. If I came home for a weekend, I might catch a movie with whoever was around. One might visit Longwood on the occasional Saturday. No commitment, or anything.

While I was off at Longwood, they became good friends. Never bothered to tell me about it. They knew they were both seeing me and weren’t upset by it.

So over Christmas break, a buddy and I decide to have a formal dinner and take friends caroling afterward. So I call one girl up - she was a singer - and asked if she wanted to be my date. She said sure, but couldn’t come to dinner because she had some kind of madrigal rehearsal. Cool.

Well, I get to talking with girl number two. She tells me that she has church that evening, and I figure, hey, I can have dinner with her before church. Completely innocent. Didn’t have an agenda or think it through at all.

But then they started talking about what they were doing over the weekend. They discover that one has a date with me at 6:00 and the other is meetng me at 8:00.

Now they knew that they were both seeing me. But evidently, by trying to see them both in the same evening, I had violated some horrible rule, so they drove over to my house to break up with me.

Together.

Tag-team.

Ouch.

I really wasn’t trying to be a scumbag. But evidently their analysis of my actions differed.

You Know What Would Make This Better?

If only the Air Marshal had just posted a long, insightful essay chock full o’ philosophical goodness, only to see my irreverent quest to outdo Manning shove his post down the page.

Heh.

Another Christian Missing The Point

Did you read about the woman so desperate to have another baby that she killed a pregant woman and cut the baby out of her stomach?

It gets better.

She was caught because she was showing off “her” new baby. Among the show-off stops was her pastor.

She butchers a woman, then shows off the ill-gotten good of her crime to her pastor?

I’m so glad she is my co-religionist.

Jesus.

Christians Who Miss the Point

In Today’s Post.

Imagine if Christians who put all their energy into fighting court battles used their passion to, I don’t know, help the poor?

I could be wrong, but I thought that it was “render unto Caesar,” not “render Caesar prostrate before your political action committee.”

Jesus.

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