Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader believes firmly that the dog is the greatest animal for companionship, hunting, and so many other things. But in terms of pure utility, it is hard to beat a pig. (You can use just about every part of pig.) With this new research: Pig Manure Can Become Crude Oil that becomes more true.
Carry on.
Conservatives might not find these as funny, but you all have to admit the appropriation of the WW II patriotic poster style (America’s Socialist Realism?) is amusing:
http://www.whitehouse.org/initiatives/posters/
Sorry for the minimimalist contributions over the last couple of days. Trying to save the chilled calf has me runnning at a severe sleep deficit. Alas, there is no happy ending in sight.
With all due respect, the definitive “40 signs” list (the one on the fridge at the old Farmhouse) was made Prior to the existence of digital cable, and prior to the adoption of the title “Bighominid” by Kev. So what Kenneth Starr wants to know is “Where’s the definitive list?”.
Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was over looking at the Minon and Lackey blog and saw a link to this. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t know what to make of it. But it is cool in an unusual and time-wasting sort of way.
In other news… Although the photo they chose to accompany this article was not terribly flattering, it seems as though many men would like to take Angelina Jolie out for a candle-lit dinner on New Years Eve. If you were to take Angelina out on a date and hit it off with her would you 1) have to get a tattoo of her name on your person? 2) exchange vials of blood? 3) agree to co-star with her in “Tomb Raider 3: Lara Croft Makes It Hurt So Good?” (Just asking.)
Hemlock (guest blogging for Conrad) has some great links for bad fiction. Go and read it.
Your Maximum Leader has said to his closest minions for many years that he wants to go on Safari in Africa and kill some big game. He has always thought that Cape Buffalo would be a fine target. Thus, he loved reading this on Kim Du Toit’s site. (NB: For those of you concerned that your Maximum Leader would pull a Teddy Roosevelt and want to kill all them cute Lions, Tigers, Rhinos, and Elephants - fear not. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t need to kill endangered game.)
Once again, that machine of a blogger, Dr. Keith Burgess-Jackon, just keeps churing out great stuff. Your Maximum Leader particularly liked this reading list.
That is about it for now.
Carry on.
Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader emerges from the Villainschloss after 6 days of rest and relaxation. To be quite honest, Christmas day was not very relaxing. The Villainettes were wild with glee at all of the gifts they got. But that is to be expected from Villainettes. Overall, he feels recharged and reinvigourated. And to assure that his good mood continues into the new year, he may well go back into the sweet isolation of the great obsidian tower of the Villainschloss for a few more days this week.
So let us see what there is to blog about…
Mudslides in California. It is a really horrible thing. Mrs. Villain was distressed to hear about this on Christmas.
Your Maximum Leader also feels badly for the people of Iran. 25000 dead from earthquakes. Very sad that the mullahs controlling Iran don’t know anything about building codes.
Your Maximum Leader thanks the Minister of Agriculture for the beef. Especially with Mad Cows on the loose. Damn those Canadians.
They found me a new pet!
Your Maximum Leader is still writing his big post. But he is trying to edit and re-write and polish his work.
And finally…. Your Maximum Leader can proclaim that the terrorists have won. Yes they have. We no longer live in a free country. We live in a feeble state cowed by terrorists and thugs. Allow your Maximum Leader to explain…
For Christmas dinner at the Villainschloss, your Maximum Leader, Mrs. Villain, the Villainettes, your Maximum Leader’s honoured in-laws, and the esteemed parents of your Maximum Leader like to dine on fine prime rib roast of beef, yorkshire pudding, broiled potatoes, asparagus salad, and onion casserole. (In case you were wondering, we had cold appetizers this year - not the normal mushroom-caps stuffed with crab meat. And, of course, the dinner is finished with some pies and cakes. And we know dinner is truely finished when your Maximum Leader adjourns to his study with Port and Stilton. But I digress…)
For those of you unaccustomed to making yorkshire pudding, you need fat. This is not to say that you need to be fat, but you must have liquid beef fat in which t cook the pudding. This fat must be heated until it satisfies the three “S”es. The fat must be “silent,” “still,” and “smoking” before you add the pudding batter. Now, to move along the narrative…
With Americans being more health conscious than ever, our beef is being trimmed of its fat in a way completely unknown to our parent, grandparents, and other ancestors. Hamburger is proudly sold as being “95% lean.” This, my loyal minions, is a travesty. A few years ago, on Christmas day, your Maximum Leader looked into the oven in which was cooking the Christmas roast and saw that there were no drippings! And not only that, there were only 2 teaspoons of fat in the pan. This, my loyal minions, was not enough fat with which to cook the yorkshire pudding. So that year your Maximum Leader vowed never to be without sufficent fat on Christmas; lest his yorkshire pudding be cooked in Crisco and barely edible. From that year forward, your Maximum Leader himself has always gone out to a local butcher and acquired some extra fat for his yorkshire pudding. This year, the trip to the butcher was a rude awakening in how the terrorists have taken control of our nation.
Your Maximum Leader went to the grocery store and went to the meat department. Mrs. Villain has always had luck with this store and their butchers, so your Maximum Leader decided it was acceptable to patronize himself. He noticed a burly proletarian-looking fellow with a blood-spattered lab coat and assumed this man to be the butcher. Allow your Maximum Leader to recount what conversation ensued:
Maximum Leader: Good evening. Good man, are you the butcher here?
Butcher: Meat cutter.
ML: Come again?
Butcher: Meat cutter. I’m the meat cutter.
ML: (Thinking that someone called a meat cutter is a butcher’s apprentice.) Will the butcher return presently? I have need for beef fat and must speak with the butcher.
Butcher: Listen. We don’t call ourselves butchers anymore. We are meat cutters.
ML: You don’t say…
Butcher: Yup. Even the Union has changed its name. We don’t like to be called butchers anymore.
ML: Why is that? After hunters and prostitutes, butchers are practioners one of the oldest and most noble professions in the world.
Butcher: Don’ know. I just know I am a meat cutter. So you need fat?
ML: Yes I do.
Butcher: Come back tomorrow at 8am. We should have some then.
ML: Indeed. I shall send my man for it. Good day, Mr. Meat Cutter…
Now your Maximum Leader must say it… What the F**k? Since when have butchers not been butchers? And sure enough, the friggin union is calling itself the “Meat Cutters.” Your Maximum Leader was troubled by this nomenclature change while driving back to the Villainschloss in the Villainmobile. Then it dawned on him. The Butcher of Baghdad. The Butcher of Lyons. Damnit! The media was giving butchers a bad name… So they went and decided to call themselves “meat cutters.”
And so it is. Butchers have gotten a self-esteem issue because everytime some homicidal maniac kills people the appellation “The Butcher of ‘Fill-in-your-locality-here’” is liberally applied by the press. So to overcome their self-esteem issue, the butchers are no more. The butchers are dead! Long live the meat cutters! Damn the terrorists and nazis who have done this. Damn them all to hell… And that, my loyal minions, is another sign that the terrorists have won.
Carry on.
[NB: I hate the plural form “dwarfs.” It’s arguably the more commonly-used form, but I’ll continue to write “dwarves” until somebody shoots me.]
Every New Year’s Eve’s Eve’s Eve (i.e., the 29th of December), the Maximum Leader steps out onto the soaring perch of his 200-meter-high obsidian balcony, surveys the fawning masses below, and begins the annual Pardoning of theDwarves ritual, which ends with the incantation, “I PISS ON EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU.”
All the captured dwarves are brought forth into the daylight from their dungeons, flogging chambers, and forced-breeding dens, where they are ordered to stand in ranks while the wee Villainettes randomly select seven dwarves (yes, seven) for pardoning.
The audience wildly applauds the Maximum Leader’s demonstration of compassion and mercy. They celebrate with a feast, followed by an even more thorough flogging of the remaining dwarves. The seven pardoned dwarves are sent into the woods where they may seek their fortune as manual laborers, but are forbidden sexual congress with normal human women (a law put in place after the embarrassing Snow White incident).
Tomorrow, then, is the Pardoning of the Dwarves. Your attendance is requested. Please assemble in front of the Villainschloss Balcony to bask in your Maximum Leader’s Ponderous Peroration, and make sure your stomachs are empty, that they may be filled with the flesh of all manner of slaughtered beasts and birds. Please bring your horsewhips (and your good cheer) if you plan to participate in the Supplementary Flogging.
Glory to the realm!
Long review of the LOTR films from a long time fan of the books posted by yours truly at Big Hominid’s blog.
Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is going to have to announce that there will be very light blogging this week. As it is Christmas (and Hannukah is wrapping up too!), your Maximum Leader is going to be spending time at the Villainschloss with Mrs. Villain and the Villainettes. This means blog time will be minimal. He hopes to jump onto the blog from time to time and write something, but no guarantees.
Did your Maximum Leader mention that he saw “The Return of the King” this weekend? Well he did. It was great. The whole Lord of the Rings saga is definately one of the greatest mvies ever made. I will have to revise my movie list accordingly.
In other news, your Maximum Leader decided not to fisk this post on another site. I just don’t have it in me. The arguments against this position have been made over and over. I just found myself becoming distracted and bored in my fisking attempt. Let it suffice to say I didn’t get the jump from how stopping support for Israel would both end terrorism and also serve to recognize the humanity of all people. And, it also annoyed me insofar as there was an assertion of basic human rights. As your Maximum Leader has said before, there are no such things (in his mind) as basic human rights in the sense alluded to by ForensicHorologist. Rights are the construct of the state. They differ from state to state and culture to culture. I don’t really think you could get a group of people from diverse cultures and backgrounds around the world to agree on more than 2 “basic human rights” that could be globally accepted. And recognizing those 2 rights is not going to move us any closer to a better more peaceful world.
Your Maximum Leader is still writing a piece on rationality, law, politics, and society. So, stay tuned.
Your Maximum Leader, as he does every day, was reading Professor Burgess-Jackson’s site. (It is the Analphilosopher link on the sidebar.) And he read this piece about the Professor’s egg carton. I wonder if the Minister of Agriculture could comment on how what a chicken is fed might affect the appellation “all natural.” The Professor’s eggs, it seems, come from grain fed chickens. Would some other feed mixture affect how “natural” the chicken (and by extrapolation the eggs) are? I wonder. (And as an aside: Professor, again, thanks for your writings every day. There is always something to think about in your writings or excerpts every day.)
In other news….
Your Maximum Leader loved this… I would definately throw back a lobster dressed as Barbie.
Your Maximum Leader would love to own this.
Watch out Bill Gates! Rupert is going to have the Fox Operating System before you know it!
Do you want to know why this story is false? If a group of Kurds found Saddam before we did they would have killed him in a particularly unpleasant way. End of story.
And that is the end of this post.
Carry on.
Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is doing a little bit ‘o blogging to pass a little time. First off, he had to remove the link to the German Uberbabe, Heidi Klum. As she is now with some Italian granddad-lover’s child, she no longer deserves a place of esteem in the link list. But, fear not! The very-dear-to-our-hearts, Jennifer Love Hewitt remains. Ah, Jennifer, why does your Maximum Leader bother to stray from you? He wonders….
Sad, yet not so sad, news from Israel. The Uzi is officially retired. While the gun does have its problems (read the article - your Maximum Leader agrees completely with the deficiencies listed) it is somewhat sad that the gun is no longer officially in the arsenal of the IDF. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t know much about the Tavor (the Uzi’s replacement), but will endeavour to find out more.
Never send a cat to do a dog’s work. Your Maximum Leader (a dog man himsef) firmly believes that man’s best friend would be able to “finish the job” in this type of case. Now that old woman will wonder what the gleam in ever cat’s eye really means for her…
Is this guy related to Keith Richards? I mean really… What would it take to kill this guy if a Blood Alcohol Content of 7.22 will not? Your Maximum Leader, like Robin Williams, is convinced that Keith Richards will survive us all. It looks like Keith will not be alone…
Tables turned on bad “John.” It is good to see a story like this. Your Maximum Leader is glad to see the Bakersfield “lady” take the law into her own hands and give this sicko a little taste of what he should get. (Alas, our criminal justice system might not give him any worse punishment than he has already received. And one can only hope that the “lady” will not be charged with anything.)
Yeah. I know it’s a church NOW. But I bet the guys sitting there will not be thinking about salvation.
Welcome back Annika. Your Maximum Leader missed you. But he still strongly disagrees with you about the F-4 Phantom. Brick with wings…
Kilgore Trout is funny. Very funny. Many thanks to Anna for finding him. (Note to Anna: Love the Christmas photo and kewpie. Both excellent.)
This man is a machine. If you don’t check out Professor Burgess-Jackson’s blog every day you will miss something very thought provoking. And that would be your loss. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t know how he does it. He always is posting something. It is great. Your Maximum Leader wishes he had the time and spare neurons to do such good work.
Your Maximum Leader would like to learn more about what is going on at this UNESCO Conference that Tyler Cowen over at Volokh is attending. It seems a little scary.
For all you single people out there. This is a good quotation.
And finally…. Your Maximum Leader is working on two (yes two!) more substantive blogs. One is just fisking something he read earlier. The second is something that has been germinating for a while…. Until later my minions!
Carry on.
Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sat down before his ubercomputer to blog. And he sat. And he sat. And he sat, sat, sat.
Then he wanted to congratulate the Minister of Agriculture for his kind call last night to discuss his new cattle trailer. Your Maximum Leader hopes to be able to see it in action very soon transporting the next steer purchased for his dining pleasure from the auction to the green, green fields of home. And then a few months later, from the green, green fields of home to a good Mennonite butcher….
Then he sat. And he sat. And he sat, sat, sat.
Then, your Maximum Leader turned off his ubercomputer and decided to watch another episode of The History of Britain by Simon Schama on DVD. He watched two episodes. The one about Henry II and his sons. And then the one on Edward I and the wars with Wales and Scotland. Love them both.
Then he sat. And he sat. And he sat, sat, sat.
Then he went to bed. Then he woke up. And there is still nothing interesting him enough to blog about…
Carry on.
Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader might try to get some quality blogging in today. (Or might not, as your definition of “quality blogging” may differ from mine.)
First, allow me to say that there are piles of quality blogs over at the Poet Laureate’s site. He is producing copious volumes of mental meaticles for your reading pleasure. Want to discuss order? Or more on order? Or even more on order? It is here for you.
And allow me to also direct you to Easterblogg where the ever insightful Gregg Easterbrook contemplates the question “Where is Osama and why can’t we find a rat?” I think it is very important to read that last paragraph of his post. Gregg suggests that we find an Iraqi rat to pay the bounty that we put on Saddam’s head. I completely agree.
Where is the justice in this photo? He is old enough to be her father for Christsakes! Don’t you worry… Flavio might meet with a firey end in the MWO. But don’t fret about Heidi, she will be well cared for. And the child? Well… There is always the army… At least your Maximum Leader’s weakness is still without a little “Love” growing inside her.
“A-double-lizzle” continues to crack me up. But following the links in this post to the “Jewcy” products and previewing some of the products upsets me for some reason. Call your Maximum Leader a prude but this shirt is a little bit offensive. (But then again, your Maximum Leader is the proud owner of this shirt. So I suppose I shouldn’t be critical.)
Today would be a great day to be in Kitty Hawk. 100 years of powered flight. Humm… It only takes about 100 hours to get through security at Midway Airport in Chicago. Is this really progress?
U-oh! The Chinese are cracking down on those people who sponsored (organized?) the orgy for that group of Japanese tourists. One would think that with China becoming more and more capitalist in their economic orientation they wouldn’t want to crack down on this type of stuff… Afterall, if they didn’t they could sure make those brothel owners in Thailand anxious.
Have you ever eatten bad curry? It will kill ya. I had some bad curry once at this place in Adams Morgan in DC. Whew! Be glad you weren’t paying homage to your Maximum Leader that night.
Remember how all those Palestinians started naming their kids “Saddam” and “Osama” a few years ago. Do you think they are going to want to pull a “Tariq Azziz” too?
Could this be the reason the original inhabitants of Easter Island left? No food. No doctors. No Cable.
Now it is all Russia’s fault. Those lousy EU bastards.
Your Maximum Leaderwonders what Andrew Sullivan (or for that matter the Minister of Agriculture or Poet Laureate) think of this? Okay. Here is what Andrew thinks.
Did your Maximum Leader already mention his weakness? Oh… I must have… Nevermind.
Carry on.
Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been busy preparing for Christmas, and hasn’t had time to blog. And after a quick survey of the blogosphere, it seems most of the good topics have been covered at great length, and in many cases more eloquently put than your Maximum Leader can smmon up the creativity to match… You see, your Maximum Leader has recently been charged by Mrs. Villain to write the Christmas letter for circulation amongst family and a few very loyal minions. Think of it as an annual circular of the goings on at the Villainschloss and innocuous update on the progress of the MWO. It is quite draining to write a letter that both satisfies the curiosity of the reader who wants to know what is going on, but also does so in a fashion that is unlikely to be duplicated by others. This year’s letter will take the unconventional form of a dialogue transcribed for the readers pleasure….
Moving along…
Your Maximum Leader (a member of the NRA and proud gun-owner) does have to concur with the befuddled Minster of Agriculture on the whole shooting guns in the air bit. Eugene Volokh has some interesting posts on this matter here and here. (Okay, the first one is just a statement, but the second one is more interesting.)
Speaking of Eugene Volokh, he recently requested readers of his site to contribute ideas for him. He needs something that could have been invented by ancient Romans, but was not. Here is the link to his post, and here is a follow-up. Your Maximum Leader is still thinking about this. Everything I’ve come up with would require modern manufacturing techniques…. Humm…
In other news… Does human waste along the highway occur with such frequency in Washington state that legislation should be required to combat it? Makes one wonder about just how livable the Seattle area is.
Ack! First Gwyneth. Now Heidi too? And the father is Italian? Humm… German/Italian relationships haven’t worked too well in the past. Not that your Maximum Leader wouldn’t want them to be a happy couple.
Your Maximum Leader already tires of all of the whiners around the world (and at home) who want to see Saddam tried in an international court. It is right that the Iraqis should try him. If they want international involvement, I say Saddam can try and hire some of the lawyers who work in the Hague for his defence.
And to close this short post… Your Maximum Leader must state something for the record. The Minister of Agriculture’s beef (that is to say the steer he recently slaughtered as his annual tribute to your Maximum Leader) is quite delicious. At the Villainschloss we dined on a fine roast of said beef. It was very tender, it marinaded well, and there is a noticable taste difference from store-bought beef. The flavour of the beef is more direct (for lack of a better description) than in store-bought beef. There is also a flavour that reminds me slightly of lamb in it. (Yes lamb, which I realize isn’t cow. Allow me to continue…) Your Maximum Leader believes this is due to two factors, one the youth of the steer when harvested; and the fact that it was grass-fed - not grain-fed. Your Maximum Leader equates this flavour to being fresh and clean with lamb, and feels the same applies here. It was quite good and he looks forward to eating more and more.
Carry on.
Someone please explain to the poor befuddled Minister of Agriculture the celebratory tradition of firing guns into the air — The bullets eventually come DOWN you ignorant sacks of crap! Ten people have died from and over 80 have been wounded by falling bullets:
“Woo-hoo! We have captured the evil man who killed hundreds of thousands of our countrymen! Let’s shoot into the air and kill a few more of our countrymen!”
This assinine style of celebration astounds me.
I many be accused of lacking sympathy, but this also reminds me of the wedding party that accidentally got shot up by an American aircraft. To celebrate the wedding, they began firing their rifles into the air. The pilot believed (not unreasonably) that he was being fired upon and lit them up. While it is sad that they died so needlessly, and with the full knowledge that that incident hurt us diplomatically, but I have a hard time saying the pilot ought to be disciplined.
It ought to be illegal to shoot weapons in celebration as a simple public health precaution.
I await the NRA onslaught which will inevitably arise to defend the right of people to enjoy their weapons in any way that they see fit, regardless of the public consequences.
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