Good news!

Greetings loyal minions! Your Maximum Leader has what he considers good news on the Iraq front to pass along. According to Reuters (Your Maximum Leader’s favourite news wire service) it is possible that Uday and Qusay Hussein may have been killed by US soldiers today! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah! Let’s hope their dad is in some leatherneck’s sights soon… Read the early report here.

Carry on my minions.

Minion Mailbag Note

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader feels he should let you know that if you choose to write him, he may choose to post your message on this site with appropriate commentary. Consider yourself warned! Your Maximum Leader hopes move on to Vol 2 of the Minion Mailbag soon.

Carry on in your minionly ways!

Jerusalem

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader got a chuckle this morning from reading his Poet Laureate’s blog called “Solomon Redux.” I commend it to you all. What makes this more interesting is that your Maximum Leader just read this article a few moments before. Your Maximum Leader is familiar with many proposals to “internationalize” Jerusalem. Alas, he fears that in the end they will all come to naught. As the Big Hominid observes, both Jews and Muslims have too much invested in the city to really give it up. Your Maximum Leader does see what might happen should this proposal move forward. For the sake of peace, Israelis will agree to the internationalization of the city. Shortly thereafter, Jerusalem will be overwhelmed by Muslims who will regain de facto control of the city - since in their view the Israelis have abandoned the city. Hell, the Palestinians will possibly be granted de jure control of the city since the UN will be involved. (Your Maximium Leader asks you to review the UN’s history towards Israelis in the near term and think hard about that last point.) The root cause of this problem is that no matter how much diplomacy or peace-waging one does, the Palestinians just do not believe that Israel has a right to exist in the first place. Any conession by Israel is viewed as another step towards the end of the state of Israel. Your Maximum Leader believes that Israel must be supported as it is the only stable western nation in the region. Ultimately, the Palestinian authority is nothing more than a nice front for a group of Islamo-fascists who will not be satisfied until Israel is destroyed.

Minion Mailbag Vol 1

Greetings again loyal minions. As you are well aware each day the number of those dedicating themselves to the MWO grows significantly. Yes, your Maximum Leader is pleased by the swelling masses of minions poised to take up arms to bring about the MWO. Your Maximum Leader is also keenly aware of the volume of electronic correspondence sent his way. From time to time, your Maximum Leader will publicly respond to some of this correspondence. Let this be the first installment of what your Maximum Leader will now style his Minion Mailbag. Let us begin with this message…

Dear Maximum Leader:

Confused Minion

Dear Confused Minion:

Allow your Maximum Leader to take you from the darkness and lead you to the broad sunlit uplands that will be the MWO. As a man of culture and refined tastes, your Maximum Leader is a great fan of The Bard. Indeed one of your Maximum Leader’s favourite plays is Richard III. Many of the unwashed might point out that it would appear to be a contradiction that the Maximum Leader would be a fan of the play that is so mean and vicious towards his favourite monarch. Well, your Maximum Leader is able to separate works of literature from real history. Your Maximum Leader believes that the real King Richard III of England was a good man who rashly left high ground and charged headlong into enemy ranks and consequently met with an unfortunate end at Bosworth. (Your Maximum Leader will refer you to the fine websitesof the Richard III societies of the US and Britain for more real history.) But your Maximum Leader is particularly fond of the character of Richard in Shakespeare’s play. He talks to the audience. He engages the audience. And he is gleeful in his plotting. Your Maximum Leader was particularly turned on to the play when he saw Sir Ian McKellan’s one-man-show and he did some pieces of the play. Your Maximum Leader then saw Sir Ian’s production of the play that was later turned into a movie. Indeed, your Maximim Leader commends the film to all his minions. But, I digress… Your Maximum Leader was gleefully happy when he first heard the lines said by Richard in Act 1, Scene 3 of Shakespeare’s play. The lines are thus:

But then I sigh; and, with a piece of scripture,
Tell them that God bids us do good for evil:
And thus I clothe my naked villainy
With old odd ends stolen out of holy writ;
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil.

Your Maximum Leader enjoyed them so much he decided that he would use them to further his own aims. You see, your Maximum Leader carefully hides his plotting behind layers and layers of subertuge so that no one will know that the MWO is upon them until it is too late. So, that is part of the explaination of naked villainy.

Carry on loyal minions.

Note to Defence Attorneys

Greetings loyal minions! Here’s some advice to any lawyers out there. Allowing your client to moon jurors can lead to convictions…

Bambi Hunt stirs protest!

Greetings loyal minions! I posted my thoughts on an item forwarded to me the other day by a loyal minion concerning the “Hunting for Bambi” group near Las Vegas. It seems their activities have spawned protests and investigations. Read all about it here.

It could be her metabolism…

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has decided to blog once again tonight before retiring for his evening constitutional followed by playtime with his most loyal minion, his dog. Your Maximum Leader feels the need to leap to the defence of the ohhh soooo desireable Ann Coulter. Now, your Maximum Leader’s fondness for Ms. Coulter has already been clearly expressed in this forum. Your Maximum Leader is also well aware of the lovely Ann’s oft controversial and combative nature. It is, in fact, one of her most desireable features. Your Maximum Leader has no doubt what so ever that the fair Ann is more than perfectly capable of defending her views from others. But, this article on one of your Maximum Leader’s favourite website is a bit much.

Now, generally your Maximum Leader gleefully engages in the logical fallacy of the ad hominem attack. But, in those cases when he does resort to namecalling and personal attacks, it is only because he admits that he is stalling for more time in which to devise and plot a logcially flawless argument. (Or give the secret hand signal to a loyal henchman to drag out his opponent and have them shot.) Having said that, your Maximum Leader recognizes that when others engage in personal attacks, it is simply because they have nothing else of consequence to say.

The subject of the radiant Ann’s weight seems to be quite interesting to a number of commentators. There is the aforementioned NRO article. There was also this article in Salon a while ago. (One might expect some residual animosity between the good people at NRO and the babealicious Ann after the little falling out they had back in 2001. But I thought they had both moved on. You want to know more about this? Read the column that prompted the falling out.)

So, your Maximum Leader finds himself wondering, “Why?” Why spend the effort to criticize the goddess Ann’s weight? Is it some sort of well-known secret that Ann starves herself? If so, perhaps some of those people should try to get her some help. (Isn’t that the proper thing to do?) Of course, what if the slender Ann doesn’t graze lightly on celery or grass or some other light vegetation? Suppose she has a normal appetite? Have any of these people gone out to lunch with her? (Which by the way, Ann - or should I say, our modern conservative Athena - if you would like to meet for lunch let us know. Your Maximum Leader will gladly treat you, probably with the same super AMEX card used to foil mother nature. E-mail your Maximum Leader Ann!) Your Maximum Leader will posit that the blonde conservative uberbabe has a very active metabolism. One that goes with her very active lifestyle of many TV appearances. Indeed, your Maximum Leader’s college roommate had a superhuman metabolism. He could devour two whole Little Ceasar’s pizzas in a single (somewhat protracted) sitting and neer gain an ounce. This genetic trait was the cause of some jealousy on the part of your Maximum Leader. But, as your Maximum Leader is great and can contain multitudes; he got over it. And that is your Maximum Leader’s edict to all these commentators who insist on making the gorgeous Ann’s weight an object of scorn. So, your Maximum Leader is putting all you Ann-weight-writers on notice. When the MWO comes, you will be dragged out and shot for your churlishness and logically flawed comments.

Carry on my minions!

The latest in female undergarment design.

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader noticed this photo and thought, “Oh what will those clever Japanese baseball fans think of next.” One doesn’t see this type of loyal fandom often enough.

Indeed, your Maximum Leader is mulling over his own apparel and garment line. Perhaps he shall select a line of official “Nakedvillainy” undergarments as well. Humm… Your Maximum Leader is plotting again…

Exterminate the Brutes!

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is not especially fond of runty dogs. That is not to say that he is not a dog lover. Indeed, your Maximum Leader loves his dog (his most loyal minion) more than he loves many people he knows. In fact, your Maximum Leader can remember fondly and lovingly every dog that has ever been his bosom companion. But still, he just can’t show the love to the Chihuahuas mentioned in this article. You may think me horribly cruel, but c’est la vie. The dogs, after all, are ill-tempered it seems…

Be alerted that in the MWO, your Maximum Leader’s regime will punish quite severely those who mistreat a non-ill-tempered dog.

Carry on and do minionly things…

But who’s to say he was wrong?

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has just read that a Santa Fe, NM family is suing the Catholic Church. It seems the presiding Priest at a funeral for a deceased family member (would any other type be having a funeral?) commented that the deceased was going to hell. Were your Maximum Leader involved in the case, he would want to call Satan to the stand for the defence to assure that the deceased was not, in fact, in hell. You can read all about it here.

And then the Maximum Leader did a very bad thing…

And then the Maximum Leader did a very bad thing and ALLOWED HIS POET LAUREATE ACCESS TO HIS BLOG.

This normally wouldn’t be a problem, since poet laureates are usually found kicking back walruslike in the Turkish spas, sedately peeling grapes and tossing off verse to rapt female page-secretaries (whose price for entry into the spas is their clothing) who record their every word… but I am nt just ANY poet laureate, you see.

Think of me more as an excited, incontinent orangutan who’s managed, through a series of lucky accidents, to incapacitate the entire bridge crew of the starship Enterprise and is now piloting 400-plus intrepid Starfleet personnel toward the nearest black hole. This is about how I feel, now that I have the ability to write on this blog at will. It’s Christmas for the dung-flinging orang! Woo-hoo! We’re headed straight for the ass-crack of space-time itself!!

So we’ve established I’m not entirely sane, and like it that way. In case you need further proof, ask yourself: would a SANE individual provide you with THREE links to his blog, when only one should suffice? Behold:

BigHominid’s Hairy Chasms

BigHominid’s Hairy Chasms

BigHominid’s Hairy Chasms

INSANE, I tell you!

Ah, but I see the captain has reawakened and is shaking off the effects of the stray stun blast that hit him. He looks quite pissed off. Time to make my daring escape! But before I do: I’ve always wanted to moon the entire Enterprise by putting my bare ass onto every viewscreen– which I can do from the Captain’s Chair! And so I whip off my pants, hit the “all-screens” button, turn around, and… AH-HAAAAAAAAAA!!!

No, wait–

Let– let GO OF ME–
_

Theological Ballsyness

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was following his morning routine and checking in on some of his most loyal henchmen, when he noted his friend (and Poet Laureate’s) blog site referencing his blog on Prisoner’s Rights. It seems that I was being a little ballsy when I disagreed with God himself about the nature of the rights of man. It seems your Maximum Leader was a little tired when he wrote his post last night. He has edited the sentance in question to better convey his meaning.

Prisoner’s Rights

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader mentioned yesterday that he had a discourse on some prisoner’s rights lawsuits scheduled for today. And far be it for me to keep my opinions from you all… You might remember that I was driving home last week from a hard day of plotting when I chanced to listen to an NPR story about prisoner’s rights lawsuits in many states. Normally when such a story comes on a program like “All Things Distorted” (known to millions of unsuspecting listeners as “All Things Considered) your Maximum Leader refocuses himself and concentrates upon not driving over squirrels or rabbits.

Well, this story got my philosophical juices flowing. (So to speak.) For those of you who are newly minted minions or henchmen, you might not be aware of your Maximum Leader’s fondness for the political philosophy of Thomas Hobbes. (See link at left for brief bio, or click here to read his best known work Leviathan.) Many of you may have heard, read, or be otherwise acquainted with the most famous line in this text. (And a line which your Maximum Leader is willing to put forth as the first political sound bite in history.) I know you know it. The one where he says that the natural condition of man is one of a “war of all against all” and that the life of man in this condition is “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.”

At any rate, your Maximum Leader is a big believer in much of what Hobbes has to say about the nature of rights and government. Although it pains me to admit (as until the MWO comes your Maximum Leader is a loyal patriotic American), he has never really fully agreed with the famous words of Thomas Jefferson that men are “endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights.” This is to say that your Maximum Leader has not agreed with the premise of God himself giving to all humanity the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

I know this might come as a shock to you, but it is true. I believe that we were all created with free will, and self-determination. But, I don’t believe God went a step further and started to enumerate political rights for us all. The rights that we enjoy are not God-given. They are, in fact, Man-given. They are the product of our civilization and traditions. They are our customs. As such they can change. The prospect of our rights changing gets most people’s knickers in a knot. Liberals want to create a whole bunch of new rights (at the expense of old ones) and Conservatives want to keep the ones we have (at the expense of changing times). We all have to admit that rights evolve as our civilization evolves.

Let your Maximum Leader go on the record now as saying HE and HE ALONE will be the font from which all rights flow down to you, my minions, in the MWO. But, I digress…

Let me move on to my point… Here is my arguement, one in the Hobbesian tradition:

Point one: In the state of nature, we are free to do whatever we want to ourselves or others.

Point two: We don’t really like the implications of Point one. Why? ‘Cause it means that other people can do to us as we can do unto them.

Point three: As we don’t want others doing unto us willy nilly, we get together and form governments. We sacrifice our freedom (to do whatever, whenever, to whomever) to gain the rotection of the government from our fellow man.

Point four: As long as we are good, obiedient members of our society and government, we are protected by laws. And laws are good.

Point five: Because laws are good and we all agree to live by them, we have rights. We have rights in society because we have agreed to give up the only true freedom we have.

Point six: What then happens to us if we don’t follow the laws? If we are not good boys and girls? We are segregated from society because we can’t play by the rules. And not playing by the rules is bad. It means that we have decided to regain our freedom, and sacrifice our rights and the protection of the state.

So, you may be asking yourself, “Self? What does this have to do with prisoners, religious freedom, lawsuits, and NPR?” Allow your Maximum Leader to illuminate you. While he listened, your Maximum Leader started to lose his famously even temper. Prisoners, suing states to grow their hair long? To smoke some gange? To freely and openly practice religion however they want in what should be a controlled environment suitable only for people who can’t play by the rules? How can your Maximum Leader put a fine point on this? Some of you may be familiar with the late (and not much mourned) Jeffery Dahmer. Let us just say that in the MWO, after Dahmer had been tried in a court of law, found guilty, and allowed an appeal, he would have been set free from prison. But before he was set free; he would have the word “Murderer” branded onto his forehead. This brand would be the signal to good citizens of the MWO that Dahmer had put himself outside the protection of the state. He had chosen true freedom over protection. So, when Dahmer set foot outside of the prison, anyone could do anything to him they wanted. Believe in capital punishment? Go ahead and shoot, stab, or maim… Think he deserves a second chance, give him one. You offer to protect him personally. In essence, anyone would be free to do anything to him at any time. His conviction and failure to win appeal for a heinous crime meant that the state revoked its protection. Your Maximum Leader knows this sounds a little harsh, but he really thinks it is a better way.

So what about these prisoners? Frankly, they have, in the view of your Maximum Leader, they have chosen their path. Let them walk it.

I am horrified, yet fascinated.

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is the gracious recepient of a significant number of petitions, request, news stories, and offers for a particular Pfizer product. Firstly, let your Maximum Leader assure you that, as I am the greatest of all naked villains; I have no need of chemical enhancements to my natural puissance.

But, I digress. Your Maximum Leader would like to draw your attention to a particular item forwarded to him by a loyal minion who on his morning commute listens to Howard Stern. I was sent this link. Now, for those of you who might be reading this in a public place or at work, your Maximum Leader only has your best interests at heart when he suggests you not click through to view the page.

When your Maximum Leader saw this site the words of his Minster of War came to mind. “It was like watching a toilet overflow. Grotesque and fascinating all at the same time. I was horrified, yet I could not look away.”

I suppose that “Hunting for Bambi” is just another sign of the decadent nature of our western society. And yet another signpost on the road to the coming MWO. Of course, in the MWO services like “Hunting for Bambi” will not be widely available to the great unwashed masses. It will only be available to the loyal minons of your Maximum Leader. (That is if Mrs. Maximum Leader gives her okay on the whole matter. She is afterall the Minister of Morality in addition to being Mrs. Maximum Leader.)

So, enjoy it while you can…

Finally… Good news from science!

Glad to see those aussies still know how to do serious science. It does your Maximum Leader’s heart (and other parts of him) good to read these stories. Get the facts here.